Wednesday, February 15, 2017

You're in!

I'm sorry but I'm filing some papers tonight and I know that we all end up over time assembling a haphazard filing system of folders and labels and tab locations and ink colors and even handwriting samples if random family members step in and label a few folders for us here and there and the folders all end up getting creased and faded and dog-eared anyway so there's eventually some semblance of a cohesive visual order in the chaos and maybe one or two folders are labeled for random one-off documents that you're not sure if you should file or throw away so you make a folder and you file them just in case but you promptly forget all about them until years later when you're trying to file some other odd document like a supplemental life insurance brochure or an autographed photo of Scott Baio and you stumble on your forgotten one-off folders again and you take a last heartbroken peek at Chachi for old time's sake before you file him into batshit obscurity but the point is YOU TRY TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITY TO MAKE SURE YOUR FOLDER LABELS MORE OR LESS MATCH but then you're innocently searching through your folders like I am tonight and without even a drop of warning you're out of nowhere broadsided by one of those long-forgotten one-off folders that your mom not only labeled URINE FILES but she also HIGHLIGHTED IT IN YELLOW in some cruel belabor-the-obvious attempt to humiliate you in your own filing cabinet which of course sends you spiraling into a self-medicating vortex of cookies and Diet Coke which of course just eventually makes you have to pee which of course just swirls around and around on itself until you're flush out of dignity and self-esteem and URINE FILES what the hell and like I said I'm sorry but URINE FILES.

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