Friday, February 10, 2017


1. Why is everyone Facebook thinks I may know either 17 or 85 or living with a pair of bra-bursting boobs in Indonesia?

2. Is there a better song on the planet than "Xanadu"? (Hint: No, there is not.)

3. How is it possible that I've already eaten an entire bag of Dove Caramel & Milk Chocolate Valentine's Hearts today and it's only 4:27?

4. Why does Bitch Kitty single me out for soul-shattering abuse when she used to love me and all I've ever done is love her back?

5. Corollary: Why does she think that's it all about her whenever I happen to be standing near the treat cupboard with my opposable thumbs and my cupboard-opening skills, neither of which she'll ever have?

6. Do you promise not to tell my mom if I drive all the way to the Target across town after work tonight to see if they have the two totally cool shirts I saw at the Target by my office two nights ago but hopefully in my size over there?

7. Is there a less clumsy way I could have written that last question? (Hint: I don't care. I'm going to drive over there tonight anyway to see if they have my shirts. But please don't tell my mom. She'll just cite some stupid "common sense" rule like I already have too many shirts or something.)

8. Do you think I can make this list go all the way to 10?

9. Was that last question just a transparently desperate attempt to keep you engaged in this post as a way to fill the soul-sucking void in my life that grows deeper and more black-holey every day I continue to not have a boyfriend?

10. Should I keep taking my meds?

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