Shake and Jake

It's 4:37! Time to make the milkshakes! I mean the metaphors! But I don't have a very big yard, so if you'll please form a single-file line with Sondheim lovers in front, exclamation-point wasters in the middle and Mitch McConnell at the bottom of the ocean, I'll get to you in the order of who has the cutest shoes. If you like chocolate-mint milkshakes, thank you for your time and I'm sorry but GROSS. If you are a cat whisperer or a supermodel in a towel, please contact me privately to schedule a one-on-one milkshake at your earliest convenience. All others, please be aware that your milkshake will be made in a kitchen that routinely processes psychotropics so it may contain traces of nuts. Please bring your own microphone and know all the lyrics to "Our Time" should your milkshake lead to a duet. 

Thank you in advance for coming to my yard, and I hope you enjoy your milkshake. I mean metaphor.