Saturday, October 13, 2018

Make like a tree

While I will always hate fall—because it signals the death of summer and portends the hellscape of winter plus it somehow compels everyone to talk about pumpkin spice, which is neither delicious in anything nor funny in jokes—this tree is kinda pretty. Plus the weather was kinda perfect for a run just now. Plus I ran three miles at an 11:19 pace, which is faster than I’d mentally budgeted for.

Now I’m off to shower and work up a sweat anew at Elf dance rehearsal. Which also—but in a charming, jazz-handsy way—portends the hellscape of winter. But I choose not to think about that.

I’ve been super-duper-stupid-bad about training for my half marathon three weeks from now

Partly because I was defeated by my knee injury that killed my last half marathon. Partly because it got cold and I hate running in the cold. Partly because I’ve found myself burned out on running after this intensive summer. Partly because I’m really good at coming up with excuses to stay in bed in the mornings. Partly because it’s been so long since I’ve run that my running watch was dead this morning and needed to be charged. (Is that enough partlys? Partly.)

Anyway, none of this stops the looming half marathon from crushing my knees anew, so run I must. Plus if I’m going to run in yellow Mickey Mouse shoes, I need to do some trial runs in the three (yes, three. because I have a shoe-shopping problem. shut up.) pair of yellow running shoes I’ve bought over the years because they were yellow and not because they were good running shoes for my gait and stride.

And these shoes have a splash of pink at the heel, which offers a tantalizing hint-or-not-hint-I’m-not-telling about my questionable sexuality. Hmmm ....

So off I run!

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

She wishes she could hate me to death

We've been playing this game where she hides behind the banister when I try to take her picture and then she leans out just far enough to show me her scowl of displeasure when she can tell I've stopped pointing my phone in her direction. But I totally just faked her out long enough to capture her Glare of Painful Bloody Death before she could suppress it for the paparazzi. And now I'm afraid to go upstairs.


Tuesday, October 09, 2018


Everything on our ... well ... ELFIN—and I have no idea how we’re all going to fit on such a tiny piece of real estate—Elf The Musical set is snowy white except for the delicious candy cane I’m wearing. And, of course, for the giant Target logo radiating its promises of charming, affordable holiday decorations in the background.

When you’re staying late at the office

and there’s a tornado warning so you have to go to the tornado shelter which happens to double as a chic little magazine lounge when it’s not protecting people from catastrophic death and you have the presence mind to bring Blueberry Bevita crackers and Diet Mountain Dew to help keep your spirits and your energy up while you (hopefully, but you never know) barely survive Certain Tornado Death!

Presidential Hillary's second debate with Snifflin' Don was two years ago tonight

Facebook just reminded me that I live-blogged the entire Eminent Capability vs Syphilitic Dumpster Fire Smackdown! in real time:

8:06 PM
Hillary didn't shake his hand. Probably because who knows where it's been.

8:12 PM
Locker-room talk --> ISIS. It's a logical progression.

8:16 PM
"It's just words." It's more like Mental Illness Theater.

8:38 PM
Hillary delivers a thoughtful, nuanced organized, detail-focused description of what is and isn't working in the ACA. Donald just repeats the word "disaster" and says he's going to do "something" about it. Oh, and that he has "plans." And that it's a "disaster." Sniff.

8:51 PM
"She just went 25 seconds over her time limit." And she stole my favorite toy. Waaaah. Sniff.

8:58 PM
"Carried interest." When did Trump learn an economy word? I just got a tiny (which is the opposite of "bigly") bit of respect for his math tutor.

9:04 PM
"I understand taxes better than anyone in this country." Then why do you use tax accountants? Compared to your stated genius, their ineptitude must be frustrating.

9:19 PM
Once again, Hillary is talking in thoughtfully nuanced paragraphs to answer the question about what she would do about the humanitarian crisis in Syria. Trump just calls her a "disaster" and has to be re-asked the question TWICE plus have the subject patiently explained to him by Martha Raddatz and he not only can't answer the question but he says he's never even talked about it with his running mate. HOLY SHIT.

9:22 PM
I'm chugging a shot of Trump Vodka every time he says "disaster." So far I've downed three bottles but it's such shitty vodka all it's done is make me have to pee.

9:31 PM
There are three people in my life I don't want to feel smarter than: my boss, my doctor and my president. I have an awesome boss, I have a brilliant doctor ... but I'm facing the prospect of having a syphilitic (sniff) psychopathic passive-aggressive imbecile in Mr. Pumpkin makeup as a president. Sniff.

9:46 PM
The question is in two parts, Donald: How to meet our energy needs and how to do it without damaging the environment. Your only answer is deregulation ... with a couple passive-aggressive jabs at Hillary. Oh, and speaking of Hillary, she efficiently answers both questions in a thoughtful, informed, articulated set of paragraphs.

Bitch Kitty is in Dad’s favorite chair

So he’s been involuntarily displaced to a different, lesser chair.

Sunday, October 07, 2018

Our final “Why Can’t a Woman Be More Like a Man?” is playing out onstage as we speak

“Why Can’t Jake Put Down His Phone and Watch?” is playing out backstage right as I sit with Eliza Doolittle and Mrs. Higgins.

See if you can spot the interesting feature in the massive dressing room behind me

And do you know WHY the massive dressing room behind me is totally devoid of bustling, delightful My Fair Lady castmembers? I’ll give you a hint: BECAUSE I OBVIOUSLY HAVEN’T MASTERED RUDIMENTARY TIME-TELLING SKILLS AND I GOT HERE A WHOLE FREAKING HOUR EARLY.

Which means at least that I can secretly try on all the Ascot dresses in privacy.


We’re celebrating this morning with 10,000+ survivors, families and friends in the Especially For You Race Against Breast Cancer run/walk.

We’re all smartly bedecked in our finery and right on time for the Embassy Ball waltz at the top of Act II

I’m just 27 hours late posting the pictures.

Friday, October 05, 2018

I'm back from my three-month checkup with my psychiatrist

And she still wants to keep seeing me every three months instead of the every-4-6-week schedule I was on a year ago. This might sound good to you, but it's HUGE to me and my family. The bipolar med cocktail that she's methodically calibrated for me over the last three years seems to be keeping me stable (though the 12+ miles I've been running every week since March might also have something to do with it), and of course the tireless, diligent support of my family and friends has been an enormous part of that success.

I'm so thankful for all of this--and all of you--that I splurged on a massive bucket of Diet Coke and two super-sticky apple fritters on the way to work. Even though caffeine and sugar probably undermine the efficacy of my meds and exacerbate their weight-gain side effects. But I'm pretty sure I can manage these setbacks. :-)