1. You're the PRESIDENT. I'm just a citizen in Iowa. Don't tell ME to intimidate a federal witness in a Senate investigation. Quietly instruct your corrupt administration to do it, like you do in your collusions with Russia. Telling me to do it via Twitter makes you look like you're four and you're trying to make me get your sister in trouble.
3. Based on your grammar, I'm beginning to believe you actually ARE four; your tweet as written demands that *I* be under oath when I execute your command to intimidate a federal witness in a Senate investigation.
4. I know this next one is tricky -- and it's hard to master homonyms AND golf, especially when you're worried that homonyms will molest your children in Target bathrooms -- but even children reckless enough to go into Target bathrooms know that it's spelled "counsel." For the record, "council" is defined as "an assembly of women so enamored of your celebrity and your thoughtful use of Tic Tacs that they want you to grab their pussies." Councils traditionally convene in the middle of heavy traffic or at the bases of erupting volcanoes. Don't forget to take off your wedding ring!
5. If classified information "got into the newspapers" and you're tacitly confirming it in this tweet, are you lying about it being fake news or are you lying about not reading it?
6. I think five failures is enough for one tweet tonight. Go home not to your wife, get some rest, and we'll start addressing your personal and professional failings again in the morning after tomorrow's 5:00 am tweet storm.