Friday, May 12, 2017

I only roll eyes for you

Yes, Kellyanne. He was rolling his eyes because of your boobs. It had nothing to do with your unyielding full-steam-ahead railroading of your laughably partisan narratives at the expense of all logic or empirical truth. It had nothing to do with your stubborn defense of our indefensible man-boy president. It had nothing to do with your chronic professional victimhood. (Remember that one time you conflated an eye roll over your moronity into a heartless act of sexism? That was classic!) It might have had a little to do with the Woody Woodpecker band uniform you chose to wear to the inauguration, though. 

My biggest complaint is that you were at some point banned from CNN for all your desperate, belligerent lying and yet there you were again this week, like a recurrent herpes outbreak after a nice long dormancy. Your biggest complaint should be that you blew your big comeback and made a fool out of yourself again right out of the gate and then for good measure you went and whined on Faux News and made it all about YOOOUUU. I'd laugh and say never stop being you, but the fact is I can't stand you. The country was catastrophically imploding on itself just fine without all your pointless screeching and whining (now THAT was sexist!) but you had to ruin it all and get reanimated from the dead or crawl out of your goblin hole (now I'm just making fun of your looks! which is also sexist! but it's still just gonna be all about Anderson's eye-roll for you! because that gets you more cheap attention!) and it's been a couple days since the eye rolled 'round the world and you're STILL clogging my Facebook feed with all your pointlessness. 

For the love of all things good and true, you really need to take a longer break before your next attempted comeback. Go somewhere nice. Treat yourself to some rest and rejuvenation. I hear Bowling Green is lovely this time of year.

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