But it was the hapless Nazis who were the ones forced to carry around identification papers at all times and present their victim cards at the borders.

And it’s people WHO, dumbass

The fucking little bitch is probably going to fucking block me

Actions beget consequences, Sarah

And feigned victimhood begets FUCK YOU. You can't deny your cake and eat it too.

All! Holidays! Matter!

Today in Stupid: Whatever. And fuck off.

Get your full helping of whiny bullshit here

So stop your whiny, pants-wetting, transparently manufactured shock and quit already. If it took you until well after you started working for Fox News to realize that "Fox feels like an extension of the Trump White House" and suddenly get "embarrassed" to work there, you're somehow actually stupider than you look on TV. You know damn well what kind of hyper-partisan lies the Fox crap machine splats all over the globe on an hourly basis, and that's exactly why you started working there in the first place. So why are you GIVING INTERVIEWS TO CNN -- the primary network you and your dotard scream ad nauseam is nothing but "FAKE NEWS!" -- now that your integrity diaper needs changing? Save your amateur I'm-so-shocked dramatics for your toxically ignorant viewers.

Is it too late for his parents to have an abortion?

Dotard simpleton with three marriages and 15 women accusing him of sexual assault gives speech on "values" to tax-exempt voting bloc that selectively fabricates its "values" system from the unread bibles it wields as weapons in a persecution-complex war of its own making.

Learn all about jeebus here: Trump pledges fealty to religious values, “Merry Christmas”

PIECE. OF. SHIT.

We all knew your "additional remarks" were nothing but bullshit that you were cornered into saying only because you got called out for the initial meaningless piece-of-shit nothing you vomited up when you finally bothered addressing the nation this weekend.

We knew your "additional remarks" were bullshit that was written for you the second you said "egregious," a word you neither know nor understand but you ironically ARE in everything you think and say and do.

And now you're trying -- and failing, as always -- to turn your grotesque, arrogant, meaningless failure into victimhood. Which is tacit -- another word you're too arrogantly stupid to know -- admission that you didn't mean a word you said.

Die already. Painfully. Violently. Humiliatingly. Just die. You owe us.

Crooked H?

How is destroying a phone with a hammer obstruction? You're never gonna make "bleached emails" happen. Your AG apparently can't remember the last time he went to the bathroom, but he definitely knows he didn't talk about Russia in two meetings he doesn't remember being in. And I'd enjoy watching your arrogant delusions come crashing down and eating you alive a whole lot more if you hadn't stolen my rap name.

Is this mean,

 

Today in Stupid: "Not expecting"?

Pity the whiny little liar here

The laughably manipulative poor-little-professional-victim daughter of "Lock her up!" and "Obama's a Muslim" and "Grab her by the pussy" and "total Muslim ban" man-boy is either catastrophically stupid or she's desperately hoping you are.

So are you, Trump supporters?

Jeez

I'm beginning to think you don't know how to run a country. Or understand democracy. Or remember Mitch McConnell's "proudest moment." Or tell the truth. Or not whine. Or drain a metaphorical swamp. Or define "metaphor." Or probably even flush a toilet. It's like you're a petulant, inarticulate man-boy or something.

YOU are disturbing

Technically, that photo is neither a mother nor a wife nor a human being. Grammar! And technically, you appear to be a wife in name only. You chose to marry him, you chose to have a child with him, you had over a year of an ugly campaign to understand exactly the level of scrutiny and expectation you'd face if you became his first lady -- which now makes you fair game for all that scrutiny -- and now you have chosen to very publicly not live with your husband-in-name-only at tremendous expense to the public. I agree with you that the photo is disturbing, but don't insult us by playing the wife card in your feigned indignance. And if you're so desperate to hide in your gilded tower out of the public eye, then stop making pointless tweets and giving perfunctory interviews to the media your husband-in-name-only so vehemently attacks. I don't respect you, I don't feel sorry for you and I don't have any interest in the tone-deaf meaninglessness you bring to the public discourse.

Sick

What Kathy did was immature and grotesque. But when you've spent the last year-plus doing immature, grotesque things like encouraging your swamp followers to murder your opponents, mocking disabled people, actively fueling a resurgence of white nationalism, wasting billions of dollars on golf trips and your failing third marriage, threatening to imprison your critics, and choking yourself in an impenetrable cloud of lies and treason, your sudden concern for the child you never see is where you should start, at last, to finally show that you even have a capacity for shame.

Oh -- since YOU brought him up, how is Barron doing after seeing naked, sexualized pictures of his mom all over the Internet?

If. Only.

Just this month, Franklin Graham in a fiery keynote speech at the World Summit in Defense of Persecuted Christians -- yes, apparently that's a thing now -- declared without citing figures or sources beyond his own made-upness that "I am sure the number of Christians who are in prison or martyred each year would stagger our mind if we really knew what the total number really was."

Oh, the heartbreak of "if only." And I'm sure the collective singular "our mind" was just a typo in the transcript. Because surely these hapless persecution victims have more than one mind between them.

Is our president this transparently desperate and petulantly dumb

or is our president this transparently desperate and petulantly dumb?

My most fervent wishes:

1. You crash and burn HARD and FAST in the searing fire of your million delusionally arrogant lies before you do any lasting or permanent damage to our country.

2. You continue to humiliate yourself and your party to the cataclysmic end of your crash-and-burn through the willful ignorance, laughable ineptitude and unhinged, desperate ranting you insist on calculatedly broadcasting for all searchable eternity on social media and self-satisfiedly trumpeting every time you try to fake your way through a coherent sentence in front of the legitimate media you whine so pathetically about but even you know you'd die without.

3. You clumsily try -- and fail before you even start so nobody gets hurt -- to grab one last pussy on your way down so your trifecta of political, social and sexual humiliation is complete.

4. You somehow achieve a level of self-aware sentience that lets you finally realize that the entire world is laughing at you.

5. Once you fully comprehend the consequences of your catastrophic failings as a human being, you finally get the councelling you so desperately need. And that your insurance covers it.

Plus you whine a lot

I only roll eyes for you

Check out the back of your head here

Yes, Kellyanne. He was rolling his eyes because of your boobs. It had nothing to do with your unyielding full-steam-ahead railroading of your laughably partisan narratives at the expense of all logic or empirical truth. It had nothing to do with your stubborn defense of our indefensible man-boy president. It had nothing to do with your chronic professional victimhood. (Remember that one time you conflated an eye roll over your moronity into a heartless act of sexism? That was classic!) It might have had a little to do with the Woody Woodpecker band uniform you chose to wear to the inauguration, though. 

My biggest complaint is that you were at some point banned from CNN for all your desperate, belligerent lying and yet there you were again this week, like a recurrent herpes outbreak after a nice long dormancy. Your biggest complaint should be that you blew your big comeback and made a fool out of yourself again right out of the gate and then for good measure you went and whined on Faux News and made it all about YOOOUUU. I'd laugh and say never stop being you, but the fact is I can't stand you. The country was catastrophically imploding on itself just fine without all your pointless screeching and whining (now THAT was sexist!) but you had to ruin it all and get reanimated from the dead or crawl out of your goblin hole (now I'm just making fun of your looks! which is also sexist! but it's still just gonna be all about Anderson's eye-roll for you! because that gets you more cheap attention!) and it's been a couple days since the eye rolled 'round the world and you're STILL clogging my Facebook feed with all your pointlessness. 

For the love of all things good and true, you really need to take a longer break before your next attempted comeback. Go somewhere nice. Treat yourself to some rest and rejuvenation. I hear Bowling Green is lovely this time of year.

Without a leader

"One of my proudest moments was when I told Obama, 'You will not fill this Supreme Court vacancy,'"
--Mitch McConnell, REPUBLICAN Senate Majority Leader, ONE YEAR AGO

And not that you're a leader by ANY stretch of the imagination -- including your perpetual state of narcissistic delusion -- but Republicans currently control the House, the Senate, the Executive branch and arguably the Judiciary. Except for the rare instances that require a supermajority vote, the Democrats have virtually zero power to obstruct anything. And you, as an impotent, uneducated non-leader, are desperately blaming them for YOUR catastrophic failures as a leader and YOUR lobbyist- and crony-CEO-controlled self-interests.

Congratulations, man-boy. You have managed to sum up your projection, your delusion, your lies, your failures, your petulance, your ignorance and your staggering lack of leadership in one unproofread tweet.