Wednesday, February 27, 2019

When you’re rubbing your hair goo between your hands to soften it before you put it in your hair like a thinking person

but in a brief and profoundly regrettable moment of not paying attention you accidentally rub it all over your face as if it were lotion, you know that at least the viciously dirty and vengeful Michael Cohen isn’t telling the nation what a corrupt, evil, entitled, cognitively inept psychopath you are so you know you’re still going to have a good day. Even though after three scrubbings your face still feels a tad waxy and smells vaguely of bergamot and citrus.

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