Showing posts with label Trumperbole. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Trumperbole. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 08, 2019
Tuesday, October 09, 2018
Presidential Hillary's second debate with Snifflin' Don was two years ago tonight
Facebook just reminded me that I live-blogged the entire Eminent Capability vs Syphilitic Dumpster Fire Smackdown! in real time:
8:06 PM
Hillary didn't shake his hand. Probably because who knows where it's been.
8:12 PM
Locker-room talk --> ISIS. It's a logical progression.
8:16 PM
"It's just words." It's more like Mental Illness Theater.
8:38 PM
Hillary delivers a thoughtful, nuanced organized, detail-focused description of what is and isn't working in the ACA. Donald just repeats the word "disaster" and says he's going to do "something" about it. Oh, and that he has "plans." And that it's a "disaster." Sniff.
8:51 PM
"She just went 25 seconds over her time limit." And she stole my favorite toy. Waaaah. Sniff.
8:58 PM
"Carried interest." When did Trump learn an economy word? I just got a tiny (which is the opposite of "bigly") bit of respect for his math tutor.
9:04 PM
"I understand taxes better than anyone in this country." Then why do you use tax accountants? Compared to your stated genius, their ineptitude must be frustrating.
9:19 PM
Once again, Hillary is talking in thoughtfully nuanced paragraphs to answer the question about what she would do about the humanitarian crisis in Syria. Trump just calls her a "disaster" and has to be re-asked the question TWICE plus have the subject patiently explained to him by Martha Raddatz and he not only can't answer the question but he says he's never even talked about it with his running mate. HOLY SHIT.
9:22 PM
I'm chugging a shot of Trump Vodka every time he says "disaster." So far I've downed three bottles but it's such shitty vodka all it's done is make me have to pee.
9:31 PM
There are three people in my life I don't want to feel smarter than: my boss, my doctor and my president. I have an awesome boss, I have a brilliant doctor ... but I'm facing the prospect of having a syphilitic (sniff) psychopathic passive-aggressive imbecile in Mr. Pumpkin makeup as a president. Sniff.
9:46 PM
The question is in two parts, Donald: How to meet our energy needs and how to do it without damaging the environment. Your only answer is deregulation ... with a couple passive-aggressive jabs at Hillary. Oh, and speaking of Hillary, she efficiently answers both questions in a thoughtful, informed, articulated set of paragraphs.
8:06 PM
Hillary didn't shake his hand. Probably because who knows where it's been.
8:12 PM
Locker-room talk --> ISIS. It's a logical progression.
8:16 PM
"It's just words." It's more like Mental Illness Theater.
8:38 PM
Hillary delivers a thoughtful, nuanced organized, detail-focused description of what is and isn't working in the ACA. Donald just repeats the word "disaster" and says he's going to do "something" about it. Oh, and that he has "plans." And that it's a "disaster." Sniff.
8:51 PM
"She just went 25 seconds over her time limit." And she stole my favorite toy. Waaaah. Sniff.
8:58 PM
"Carried interest." When did Trump learn an economy word? I just got a tiny (which is the opposite of "bigly") bit of respect for his math tutor.
9:04 PM
"I understand taxes better than anyone in this country." Then why do you use tax accountants? Compared to your stated genius, their ineptitude must be frustrating.
9:19 PM
Once again, Hillary is talking in thoughtfully nuanced paragraphs to answer the question about what she would do about the humanitarian crisis in Syria. Trump just calls her a "disaster" and has to be re-asked the question TWICE plus have the subject patiently explained to him by Martha Raddatz and he not only can't answer the question but he says he's never even talked about it with his running mate. HOLY SHIT.
9:22 PM
I'm chugging a shot of Trump Vodka every time he says "disaster." So far I've downed three bottles but it's such shitty vodka all it's done is make me have to pee.
9:31 PM
There are three people in my life I don't want to feel smarter than: my boss, my doctor and my president. I have an awesome boss, I have a brilliant doctor ... but I'm facing the prospect of having a syphilitic (sniff) psychopathic passive-aggressive imbecile in Mr. Pumpkin makeup as a president. Sniff.
9:46 PM
The question is in two parts, Donald: How to meet our energy needs and how to do it without damaging the environment. Your only answer is deregulation ... with a couple passive-aggressive jabs at Hillary. Oh, and speaking of Hillary, she efficiently answers both questions in a thoughtful, informed, articulated set of paragraphs.
Sunday, June 18, 2017
Tuesday, May 09, 2017
Things the president has said or done that are praiseworthy
As requested by The New York Times:
• He knows more about ISIS than the generals do.
• He could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and wouldn't lose any voters.
• He's so good at leadership and deal-making that he almost brought his entire majority party together to pass a piece of legislation that didn't involve an executive order.
• He could have prevented the Civil War if Andrew Jackson would have just trusted those deal-making skills.
• He bombed Syria. Or Iraq. Whatever.
• He traveled through time to the year 3010, fought the evil robot kings and saved the human race again.
• He's fathered the eminent scientist and knockoff shoe designer Ivanka Trump, who as we speak is packing her vast, unbiased scientific knowledge into a genuine alligator clutch with a logo-jacquard lining and a pearl-inlay pinch clasp trimmed in signature rose gold to meet with EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt to review the United States’ commitment to the Paris Climate Change agreement.
• Speaking of the eminent scientist and knockoff shoe designer Ivanka Trump, he's so open-minded that he let a Jew into his family. Still no word on his approval of the blacks, though.
• Speaking of eminent, he's an eminent (as all Trumps are) scholar of religion who's learned enough to pronounce it "Two Corinthians."
• He ushered in an exciting new hairstyle that put an end to the man-bun.
• He saved himself money by having all his pro-American-jobs campaign hats made in China.
• He saved the whole country money by golfing in New Jersey instead of New York last weekend.
• He somehow made Kellyanne Conway go away.
• Speaking of disappearing women, has anyone seen our First Lady? Has anyone seen ANY praiseworthy evidence of Trump's third marriage?
• Speaking of Trump's marriages, he generously pays his used wives so much money that they never need to talk to anyone about their relationships with and insights into him, the president of the entire United States.
• He can probably name all of his wives and children. In order.
• He opened a state-of-the-art Holocaust center.
• He gave an entire generation of parents the opportunity to explain to their young children what a pussy is.
• He could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and wouldn't lose any voters.
• He's so good at leadership and deal-making that he almost brought his entire majority party together to pass a piece of legislation that didn't involve an executive order.
• He could have prevented the Civil War if Andrew Jackson would have just trusted those deal-making skills.
• He bombed Syria. Or Iraq. Whatever.
• He traveled through time to the year 3010, fought the evil robot kings and saved the human race again.
• He's fathered the eminent scientist and knockoff shoe designer Ivanka Trump, who as we speak is packing her vast, unbiased scientific knowledge into a genuine alligator clutch with a logo-jacquard lining and a pearl-inlay pinch clasp trimmed in signature rose gold to meet with EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt to review the United States’ commitment to the Paris Climate Change agreement.
• Speaking of the eminent scientist and knockoff shoe designer Ivanka Trump, he's so open-minded that he let a Jew into his family. Still no word on his approval of the blacks, though.
• Speaking of eminent, he's an eminent (as all Trumps are) scholar of religion who's learned enough to pronounce it "Two Corinthians."
• He ushered in an exciting new hairstyle that put an end to the man-bun.
• He saved himself money by having all his pro-American-jobs campaign hats made in China.
• He saved the whole country money by golfing in New Jersey instead of New York last weekend.
• He somehow made Kellyanne Conway go away.
• Speaking of disappearing women, has anyone seen our First Lady? Has anyone seen ANY praiseworthy evidence of Trump's third marriage?
• Speaking of Trump's marriages, he generously pays his used wives so much money that they never need to talk to anyone about their relationships with and insights into him, the president of the entire United States.
• He can probably name all of his wives and children. In order.
• He opened a state-of-the-art Holocaust center.
• He gave an entire generation of parents the opportunity to explain to their young children what a pussy is.
Friday, April 28, 2017
Nobody
"I know more about ISIS than the generals do, believe me."
"Nobody knows the system better than I do."
"I know more about contributions than anybody."
"Nobody knows politicians better than Donald Trump."
"I know our complex tax laws better than anyone who has ever run for president and I am the only one who can fix them."
"Nobody knows more about trade than me."
"Nobody knows jobs like I do!"
"Nobody in the history of this country has ever known so much about infrastructure as Donald Trump."
"There's nobody bigger or better at the military than I am."
"Because nobody knows the system better than me. I know the H1B. I know the H2B. Nobody knows it better than me."
"Nobody knows banking better than I do."
"I understand money better than anybody. I understand it far better than Hillary, and I'm way up on the economy when it comes to questions on the economy."
"So a general gets on, sent obviously by Obama, and he said, 'Mr. Trump doesn't understand. He knows nothing about defense.' I know more about offense and defense than they will ever understand, believe me. Believe me. Than they will ever understand. Than they will ever understand."
"I understand the tax laws better than almost anyone, which is why I'm the one who can truly fix them."
"Nobody knows the system better than I do."
"I know more about contributions than anybody."
"Nobody knows politicians better than Donald Trump."
"I know our complex tax laws better than anyone who has ever run for president and I am the only one who can fix them."
"Nobody knows more about trade than me."
"Nobody knows jobs like I do!"
"Nobody in the history of this country has ever known so much about infrastructure as Donald Trump."
"There's nobody bigger or better at the military than I am."
"Because nobody knows the system better than me. I know the H1B. I know the H2B. Nobody knows it better than me."
"Nobody knows banking better than I do."
"I understand money better than anybody. I understand it far better than Hillary, and I'm way up on the economy when it comes to questions on the economy."
"So a general gets on, sent obviously by Obama, and he said, 'Mr. Trump doesn't understand. He knows nothing about defense.' I know more about offense and defense than they will ever understand, believe me. Believe me. Than they will ever understand. Than they will ever understand."
"I understand the tax laws better than almost anyone, which is why I'm the one who can truly fix them."
“This is more work than in my previous life. I thought it would be easier.”
Thursday, April 27, 2017
Thursday, March 09, 2017
The biggest con job gain "in years"
To its fleeting credit, Faux News doesn't SPECIFICALLY link job growth to man-boy's sweeping economic-stimulus tweets here. But we've entered a brave new world where Kellyanne Conway unblinkingly wins every Fact Smackdown! lightning round to stay on narrative and Betsy DeVos mathematically eliminates dinosaurs and real news is fake news unless it's actually fake news, which is -- DUH -- real news. And Faux News writes grotesquely misleading tweets that link to grotesquely misleading articles and its willfully ignorant followers provide zero intellectual pushback because IT KEEPS HAPPENING.
And Donna Karan gets all bunchy and uncomfortable under my boobs but I'm gonna keep wearing it because JOB GROWTH.
Tuesday, March 07, 2017
"Complete and total disaster."
He repeated these oversimplified, crudely hyperbolic words and their broader sentiment ad nauseam throughout his entire presidential campaign. Implication: He had read and he understood and he was able to critically evaluate the Affordable Care Act.
"Complete and total disaster."
After he was elected, he contradicted his longstanding confident and absolute declaration on the matter by saying he wanted to retain pre-existing-condition protections and other never-fully-disclosed aspects of the Affordable Care Act. Implication: Over the entire course of his campaign, he had not read, had not understood and was not able to critically evaluate the Affordable Care Act, despite his endless connotations to the contrary.
"Complete and total disaster."
Last week he unblinkingly declared that "nobody knew health care could be so complicated." Implication: After more than a year of his campaign and his presidency, he still had yet to read, understand and critically evaluate the Affordable Care Act and was just beginning to comprehend the magnitude of its complexities.
"Complete and total disaster."
As of this morning, he is finally fully up to speed on the issue, he has come full-circle on his now informed thinking, and he is confidently and absolutely able to dismiss the entirety of the just-one-week-ago "so complicated" Affordable Care Act with a single word.
"Complete and total disaster."
After he was elected, he contradicted his longstanding confident and absolute declaration on the matter by saying he wanted to retain pre-existing-condition protections and other never-fully-disclosed aspects of the Affordable Care Act. Implication: Over the entire course of his campaign, he had not read, had not understood and was not able to critically evaluate the Affordable Care Act, despite his endless connotations to the contrary.
"Complete and total disaster."
Last week he unblinkingly declared that "nobody knew health care could be so complicated." Implication: After more than a year of his campaign and his presidency, he still had yet to read, understand and critically evaluate the Affordable Care Act and was just beginning to comprehend the magnitude of its complexities.
"Complete and total disaster."
As of this morning, he is finally fully up to speed on the issue, he has come full-circle on his now informed thinking, and he is confidently and absolutely able to dismiss the entirety of the just-one-week-ago "so complicated" Affordable Care Act with a single word.
Conclusion: Donald Trump, with his lazy ignorance, his crude hyperbole, his chronic lying and his very being, is a complete and total disaster.
#Trumpcare #Complete #Total #Disaster
Saturday, February 25, 2017
#MakeAPresidentPatheticAgain
I bet you'd get a yuge crowd if you held a MAKE AMERICA REGRET VOTING FOR YOU rally.
And don't just passively suggest on Twitter that whatever's left of your base should have a rally and then state without a shred of evidence that "it would be the biggest of them all." You're the fucking president. Make your damn rally happen if you really want it and find out for sure how big it is.
Hyperbole and unquantifiabe predictions are fake news, man-boy.
Hyperbole and unquantifiabe predictions are fake news, man-boy.
Friday, February 24, 2017
Day 31
Republican-controlled House. Republican-controlled Senate. Hand-picked (and presumably vetted) Cabinet. Obsequious surrogates. Unfettered, uncensored access to Twitter. Fake news about your fake news. So totally on top of things that you've had time for three weekend golf vacations in a month.
No explanations. No updates. No credibility. No truth. No respect. No competence. No dignity. Just empty, meaningless, desperate, uninformed, pathetic demagoguery. And daily catastrophic failure.
You disgust me.
No explanations. No updates. No credibility. No truth. No respect. No competence. No dignity. Just empty, meaningless, desperate, uninformed, pathetic demagoguery. And daily catastrophic failure.
You disgust me.
Thursday, February 23, 2017
Nobody believes you
Maybe he should spend a moment or two outside his uneducated-rich-white-men-privilege tower and meet more people. Because it sure seems like he doesn't interact with anyone but nobodies.
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