Saturday, October 21, 2017

Is it too late for his parents to get an abortion?

Hopelessly shattered by Saturday night

A Little Night Music > "A Weekend in the Country" > the French horn obbligato at 6:06 > everything you ever need to know about Sondheim

Quads and color coordination

When some douchebag leaves all the weights loaded on the leg press but you realize they're the weights you're going to use anyway so it saves you all the effort of loading them.
Also: When you realize you managed to dress so matchy-matchy that your shirt exactly matches your shoes and your shorts exactly match your soles but fortunately there are only two hot guys in the gym who will be scared away by your adorable outfit (and your towering haven't-showered-yet bouffant) instead of the usual six.

I'm going in

If you don't hear from me in two days, send paramedics. And Diet Coke, of course.

11 days until #Hallowmeme!

Friday, October 20, 2017

(wink, wink)

Dark Lady laughed and danced and lit the candles one by one

CLAP! CLAP!

12 days until #Hallowmeme!

Apollo!

Somebody ahead of me left this in the gym shower. I just helped myself to a dollop after my workout.

Consider yourselves warned, foxy ladies. Consider yourselves warned.

Theater fluff

This is the hair of a man who cashed in his semiannual I-don't-want-to-do-a-20-minute-elliptical-warmup-before-my-workout card this morning. Which is why it's fluffy-vertical instead of sweaty-droopy.
This is also the hair of a man who is so selflessly dedicated to his art that he hasn't had a haircut in two months so he looks decade-appropriate for a show he's in, which is set in 1963.

This is also the hair of a man who has TONS OF FRIENDS FLOCKING TO SEE THIS, THE FINAL WEEKEND OF SAID SHOW. Ahem.

Flashback Friday: Terrifying Halloween Costume Edition

Nothing says "I sit down to pee" quite as efficiently as a bow tie. I taught myself to tie a bow tie when I was in high school, while all the other kids were doing more useful things like—oh, I don't know—hanging out with each other and forming meaningful friendships. I thought my little Madras plaid bow tie made me look so cool that I went out and bought a bunch more bow ties in all kinds of colors and patterns. Which makes this plaid one kind of a gateway bow tie. One reason I was so good at tying bow ties was those glasses. Their lenses were so expansively huge—like the Hubble telescope!—that I barely had to bend my neck to look down and see what I was doing. Big glasses + small bow tie = man who goes to the theater with his mom. Every time.

Fun fact: This is me in my dinner-plate glasses and pleated pants that were wider than the rest of my body in the lobby of the Kennedy Center when my mom and I went to D.C. to see Tyne Daly in Gypsy when I was in college. She got her kids out!

Thursday, October 19, 2017

13 days until #Hallowmeme!

The glories of summer have ended ...

the scrunchie is making a comeback (you heard it here first), there's a new Fake Melania (Now With More Role Model Charisma!™), but one thing will always stay reliably constant: the gym selfies I take in a desperate attempt to stay relevant in a Millennial-obsessed culture.

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

When you're supposed to be Commander in Chief ...

but you get caught ignoring the families of dead soldiers for two weeks because you're too busy golfing 18 holes and you're already one big-ass hole yourself:

"I like to call when it’s appropriate, when I think I’m able to do it. They have made the ultimate sacrifice. So, generally, I would say that I like to call. I’m going to be calling them. I want a little time to pass, I’m going to be calling them. I have, as you know, since I’ve been president, I have. But in addition, I actually wrote letters individually to the soldiers we’re talking about, and they’re going to be going out either today or tomorrow."

Fall goals:

I have never been able to master this tricky little meditation on flitting butterflies by the technically ruthless Norwegian composer Edvard Grieg. (Those! Damn! Norwegians!) I bought a fresh copy of the music last spring and I still know exactly where I hid it, so I hope to re-climb this Mt. Everest again in the next few months. Feel free to pester me about how my practicing is coming along; I respond very well to embarrassment and shame.

Fun fact: The very last note of this song is on the very bottom note of the piano keyboard. Apparently butterflies become very basso the longer they flit.

National Character Counts Week so far:

Living example of character and integrity Monday 16 October: The New Yorker reports that Dotard has laughingly made a joke that Pence "wants to hang" all gay people. Neither living example of character and integrity even makes an attempt to refute the story.

Living example of character and integrity Tuesday 17 October: After 13 days of complete silence over the October 4 ambush murder of U.S. Army Sgt. La David Johnson in Niger, Dotard finally contacts his pregnant widow to tell her "You know he must've known what he signed up for."

Living example of character and integrity Wednesday 18 October: After loudly launching his bullshit distraction pretending-to-do-president-stuff-theme-week "Infrastructure Week" on June 6 -- specifically "announcing his Administration’s infrastructure plans this week on Air Traffic Control, addressing the inland waterway system, and improving project efficiency" (whitehouse.gov) -- Dotard hasn't mentioned it again, clearly failed miserably at something he never had the intention or even basic competence to do, and pretty much hasn't done shit except golf and cloak his piece-of-shit racism in fake-news patriotism.

(In case you missed it, Dotard MADE A JOKE about Vice President "I'm a Christian first" Pence wanting to LYNCH GAY PEOPLE.)

Monday, October 16, 2017

Life's a banquet!

Happy 92nd birthday to the Mame Dennis and Nellie Lovett I never got to see and to the Madame Armfeldt I did get to see eight years ago. You're a bloody wonder, Angela Lansbury!