Friday, March 16, 2018

Flashback Friday: Dad 'n' Lad 'n' Plaid Edition

Fun fact: I found that plaid coat at Sears and insisted that my mother buy it because my dad had a similar one -- and they ended up LOOKING EXACTLY THE SAME. Plus they doubled as grill cozies and never melted or wrinkled. 

Other fun fact: Those never-waste-a-scrap-of-material-EVER patchwork dresses are probably now serving time as quilts somewhere in the house as we speak.

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Pi Day came back!

When it's 5:11 am ...

and you’ve been pointlessly wide awake so long that you’re tethered to an outlet because you’ve drained your phone battery in a YouTube clickhole, you stumble on this forgotten gem of Sondheim + Liza + Pet Shop Boys gaysplosionness—which is made mega-extra fabuloso with the addition of Spanish subtitles because SPANISH SUBTITLES and there’s nothing more Sally Durant Plummer than losing your mind looking at a coffee cup as the dawn breaks with SPANISH SUBTITLES.

Monday, March 12, 2018

Betsy DeVos has released her search history to show that she did as much research as she could think of to prepare for her 60 Minutes interview

Fuck trump. Fuck evangelicals. Fuck their fucking arrogant hypocrisy.

This is all well and good, but the trump sheep are going to ignore or dismiss anything Stormy has to say, just like they're doing for all of trump's other sexual grotesqueries that used to be the wedge issue of the reich wing's long-abandoned "family values" joke of a platform. Tony Gayface Perkins literally said that he and the "religious" evangelicals are giving trump "a mulligan" on his half-century of pre-president sexual atrocities.

Their active, hypocritical approval of his lifetime of adultery and sexual assault is fucking the country just as violently as trump has fucked every woman he's been able to get his revolting 239-lb body on.


My intrepid, brilliant, humanitarian-minded niece is as we speak flying to Guatemala with her Spanish class to do community service work and then explore the country from the valleys to the volcanoes. Meanwhile, her white, privileged, North American-insular, US-resident uncle has found himself humbly obligated to do some googling to learn that Guatemala is NOT, in fact, in South America but is five countries north of Panama on the Pacific side of the narrowing continent.
Fun fact: Guatemala is also in the central time zone—though it doesn’t have stupid Daylight Savings Time, so I’m sure my niece and her Spanish class have wicked jet lag. ¡Qué lástima!

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Remember this two-seconds-of-fame trainwreck?

Apparently she’s still desperately clinging to relevance among the anti-vaccination crowd, bless her little boobs. I love how her scientifically based arguments here derail from “Do you even know FOR A FACT ...” to “I’m pretty positive ...” in just two incoherent sentences.
I ask you, whom would you trust: teams of scientists across multiple disciplines doing over a century of research in labs and controlled studies around the world or Tila reading misspelled conspiracy theory sites on her phone in the TJ Maxx employee break room?

Saturday, March 10, 2018

Don’t forget to turn your clocks forward tonight to get us all one hour closer to the impeachment and incarcerations


When you stumble on assorted three-packs of your favorite underpants—which never go on sale for 50% off—on sale for 50% off, before you avariciously put them in your online shopping cart and order them, take a moment to make sure that the reason they’re on sale for 50% off isn’t because THEY’RE COVERED IN FEARSOME SYMBOLS OF CRUEL, GRISLY DEATH.
(Ooh, look: One pair is in a charming windowpane check!)


#CedaRound: downtown Cedar Rapids coolness 

Friday, March 09, 2018

I seem to be having a bit of a bipolar depressive episode today

I’m functional enough that I’m at work, but I’m dysfunctional enough that I. CAN’T. FUCKING. SIT. STILL. Being bipolar is weird.

Plus my boyfriend won’t even talk to me.

Flashback Friday: Big Gay Disco Pants Edition

Big gay cruises = big gay costumed dance parties
I don’t miss the cruises, but I’m deeply sorry I returned those pants to my possibly gay neighbor's disco-pants library.

Thursday, March 08, 2018

It’s no cringingly-tone-deaf-look-we-made-a-W-instead-of-paying-a-living-wage fast-food stunt ...

but I did wear bright red shoes to work in recognition of International Women’s Day.

Hi, Jake

My name’s Jake, I’m 49, and I wear Abercrombie & Fitch without express written permission from the Gurl You’re Too Old For That Council.
Plus there were too many judgey people in the gym this morning for me to take a proper Thankfully Productive Arm Day selfie so I had to use a mirror I found in a tanning room.

Oh, Dana. Dana, Dana, Dana.

Bless your heart.

The 2018 Follies company

I’m the Evita in the back row.