Come see me in Oklahoma!

Find the old guy who can't jump as high as all those kids

THEN FIND YOUR WAY TO THEATRE CEDAR RAPIDS TO SEE OUR MEGA HELLA KILLER AMAZING SHOW.

Here are the final gasping "Waiters' Gallop" jumps from our truly stunning production of Hello, Dolly!

I'm the fourth from the left, but the first to suffer a major cardiac event before curtain call because I'm more than twice as old as all the other waiters. (Delusional, party of one!)

I'm really proud to be a part of this gorgeous show. We open tonight--and my time jumping up and down on this earth is clearly limited, so get your tickets at theatrecr.org before it's too late.

I wear a lot of hats in Hello, Dolly!

Well, I wear TWO hats. But not at once, despite what this artfully composed self-portraiture might imply.

I also apparently wear lots of chins—even more than the number of hats on the elegant-millinery-shop prop table hiding behind me and my chins on this, our second quad-shredding, knee-crippling, calf-calving five-hour rehearsal day in a row.

So the key takeaway here is everything hurts and I’m dying AND I'M NOT DOING IT FOR MY HEALTH SO GET YOUR TICKETS AND COME SEE US AT THEATRE CEDAR RAPIDS.

THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO SEE US WEAR THESE BLACK NECKTIES AND RED FOUNDATION GARMENTS

The show’s at 2:30. I promise you’ll love the way these ties look on us.

Only five more opportunities to see our awesome little show!

 Get your tickets at theatrecr.org

This is the exact spot where I stand on our scorched-earth-industrial-unemployment set when the last of my Salacious Security Guard vestments get thrown to the heavens

The effect is a lot more impressive (or not) with costumes (or not) and lights (or not) and orchestra (DEFINITELY! BECAUSE OUR ORCHESTRA ROCKS!).

YOU HAVE SEVEN MORE OPPORTUNITIES TO SEE MORE (OR NOT) OF ME THAN YOU MIGHT WANT TO SEE, PEOPLE!

Come see our big-ass show!

When Theatre Cedar Rapids staged its 2018-2019 season announcement late last winter, I wasn’t able to attend the gala event for some reason. But my drive home that night took me down First Avenue past the theater, where the upcoming shows were excitedly scrolling across the marquee … and my heart almost skipped a beat when I saw The Full Monty flash by.

Those of you who’ve endured my effusive gushing about this show know that I have adored The Full Monty since I first saw the Broadway tour when I lived in Chicago more than 15 years ago. I was dating a guy who knew someone in the cast, and he got us house seats for four performances while it was in town. (Odd fun fact: The castmember played the character who strips at the opening of the show, and the first time we saw the show was on his birthday … so I have the odd distinction of being able to say I’ve eaten cake with a Broadway stripper in his dressing room. Which is not a metaphor for anything.)

Since then I’ve memorized every word and every note and every moment of the cast recording and I’ve fallen in love with the endless creative brilliance of David Yazbek, who has also written music and lyrics for equally awesome musicals based on the movies Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (I got to see the original Broadway production and have equal reverence for its cast recording as well) and Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown (I was in New York when it opened, but I crappily couldn’t get tickets to see it). And he just won the Tony Award for The Band’s Visit, if you need any more impetus to love his Full Monty score as much as I do.

Being in this show was on an ephemeral bucket list of things I was sure I’d never get the chance to do. Being cast in this show and then rehearsing it over the last two months have put me on a high I’m not even close to coming down from. I’m over the freaking moon (which I guess could be a butt metaphor if you’re so immature that you’d actually go there) to actually get to sing this score with a full orchestra and play one of the goofy, earnest Hot Metal guys along with the five other goofy, earnest actors who eventually strip with me. The six of us have gone from shyly showing our ankles in front of each other at our months-ago photo shoot to walking around butt-ass naked in a fully lit rehearsal room this week as we fine-tuned the timing of our G-string removal. And it’s been a supremely joyous journey to get here.

I can’t remember the last time I was this full-immersive thrilled to be a part of a show and to help bring it to life in front of three weekends of audiences. Aside from the brilliant music and lyrics, the story is funny and sharply written, the characters are nuanced and messy and interesting and fun, and the story is at once joyous and heartbreaking and ridiculous and endlessly entertaining.

And after all the excitement and waiting and rehearsing that started last winter when I first saw The Full Monty scroll across the marquee screen as I sat at a red light on First Avenue, WE’RE FINALLY OPENING TONIGHT. And you have only nine opportunities to see us. So get your tickets now and COME LOOK AT MY BUTT. (That’s also not a metaphor for anything.)

How fitting that the memory of my TCR shirtless debut pops up during production week for my TCR more-than-shirtless debut

Back then, you had to buy tickets in person or over the phone. Now you just go to theatrecr.org

THROWBACK THURSDAY: Whorehouse Edition

What's so funny about this picture? Let me count:
1. I'm playing a football player.
2. I'm playing a football player who utilizes the services of female prostitutes.
3. I'm shirtless on stage for the first time in my life. I know it's hard to believe there was once a time where me taking my shirt off on stage was a novelty, but you have to start somewhere. And I started in 1998, rompin' and stompin' with the Aggie Boys in Theatre Cedar Rapids' The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. This show also predates all my big tattoos, so I look like a pristine little infant in this picture. A pristine little infant who dances around shirtless and goes to whorehouses.

OK ... I'll jump on the bandwagon:

THEATRE EXPERIENCES SURVEY

1. Played a murderer - yes
2. Played an animal - no
3. Played a character opposite your gender - in a couple of drag cabaret shows
4. Worked with an Oscar/Tony/Emmy winner - not that I’m aware of
5. Undressed on stage - oh yes … and I’m about to again
6. Had a stage kiss - yes
7. Played a ghost - no
8. Been a stage manager – no
9. Been on tech crew – in high school, and I will again in a few months
10. Worn fake eyeglasses – yes
11. Worn contact lenses – in one eye that was supposed to be blind
12. Been in a staged fight - yes
13. Missed a cue - just a few lines over the years
14. Walked off stage during a scene to fix your costume - no
15. Scolded someone for touching your prop? – gently
16. Been in a musical – DUH
17. Been in a Shakespeare production – just in a few isolated scenes
18. Forgotten a line on stage - yes
19. Forgotten a prop on stage – no
20. Had a wardrobe malfunction on stage - a hat with a wig glued inside it once fell off my head
21. Been nude on stage - starting January 25 at Theatre Cedar Rapids!
22. Eaten real food on stage - no
23. Choked on real food during a show on stage - also no
25. Been injured during a show - nothing serious
26. Torn up the set by accident onstage during a show - no
27. Broken a prop onstage during a show - indirectly
28. Had a nosebleed onstage - no
29. Played a character of a different race – no
30. Been paid for a performance - yes
31. Played a musical instrument for a performance - yes
32. Sung in a show – DUH
33. Farted on stage during a show - gross, no
34. Made noise backstage during a show – only on purpose
35. Cut your hair onstage during a show - no
36. Simulated sex onstage - no
37. Ad-libbed until another actor made his/her entrance - yes
38. Played a child – only when I was an actual child
39. Been punched in the face accidentally onstage - no
40. Played a lawyer – no
41. Killed another character on stage - only offstage, if that counts
42. Died on stage – almost, if that counts
43. Played a drunk on stage – yes
44. Choreographed a show – not a formal musical, but I’ve co-choreographed Follies and choreographed more show choirs than I can remember
45. Directed a show – no
46. Designed a set - only in my head
47. Helped build a set - yes
48. Ushered/house managed a show – no
50. Helped make costumes for a show - emphasis on helped
51. Experienced effects of a theater ghost - I don’t believe in ghosts
52. Done a lighting design - no
53. Done sound design - no
54. Used dialects – extremely, extremely poorly
55. Gotten a bad review – not that I can remember
56. Done children's theater – yes
57. Worked with animals - no
58. Improvised to cover a technical issue – just broken props
59. Performed in outdoor theater - no
60. Fired a prop gun onstage - I’ve held many prop guns on stage, but I don’t remember having to fire any

I haven't told anyone this, but I'm doing a show.

There's nobody named Monty in the show, so I totally don't understand the title. I'm playing a guy named Harold, but The Full Harold just sounds like I've eaten a big dinner. Anyway, if you want to see this Monty guy, get your tickets now!

Seriously

How awesome and inventive are the projections on our also-how-awesome-and-inventive Elf the Musical set? You’ll just have to come and behold for yourselves.

You’ll also have to come and behold the boundless energy, effortless talents and fearless ridiculousness of my photobomber: D.J., who brings Buddy the Elf to life with his gorgeous voice and childlike delight. The kids in our preview audience oohed and aahed and giggled and clapped all through the show last night, and I lost track of the times people told me afterward that they left the theater filled with holiday spirit. We’re all really proud of this show, and thrilled to get to share it with everyone who comes to see it. LIKE YOU.

Get your tickets.

Here’s my formal Doug the Christmas Cop holiday portrait that I’m going to use in this year’s Christmas cards

Speaking of Christmas, you should really come see me and our entire cast of bejinglebelled elves and the people who love them in Elf the Musical at Theatre Cedar Rapids. We open this weekend!

If a super-jazzy, super-jingly, super-challenging musical score about elves doesn't make your holidays brighter ...

if hearing a chorus of otherwise super-manly basses squeak out repeated high A's doesn't dog-whistle you ... if watching my freakishly talented friend D.J. totally ROCK IT as the charming, guileless, fearlessly ridiculous Buddy the Elf doesn't elicit even a wan smile from your stony comportment ... if your cold, dead heart prevents you from understanding my subtly nuanced performance of Doug the Christmas Cop breaking up a sweaty Santa fight ... you AT LEAST owe it to yourself to come see Elf the Musical just to hear the 90-year-old Barton organ fill Theatre Cedar Rapids with glorious Christmas carols before each Friday and Saturday performance.

The organ is a hidden gem in the heart of the city, and it is truly a treat to get to hear it on the occasions that it gets played. And just look at the organ console: IT'S BLACK VELVET! WITH RHINESTONES!

THERE. IS. NOTHING. GAYER.

Don't make me call you out as a cotton-headed ninny-muggins. Get your tickets at https://www.theatrecr.org/event/elf-the-musical/2018-11-16/

We don’t mess around with “Tempo di Boring Old Christmas Carols” in Elf

We also don’t stop at just one Finale.

Be a Buddy and get your tickets now at theatrecr.org

We’re all smartly bedecked in our finery and right on time for the Embassy Ball waltz at the top of Act II

I’m just 27 hours late posting the pictures.

YOU HAVE ONE MORE CHANCE TO SEE THESE AND THE REST OF OUR CAST OF RIDICULOUSLY TALENTED PEOPLE IN MY FAIR LADY.

Flashback Friday: Garters and Underpants Edition

Last year at this time I was in a show that obligated me to wear sock garters. And underpants.

I have no such requirements for the show I'm in now. Just sayin'.

Get your tickets at theatrecr.org. DO IT.

These people

You should hear them all sing. No really. YOU SHOULD COME TO OUR SHOW AND HEAR THEM ALL SING. The talent in this show is humbling. And the people in this show are delightful. And I’m being all sappy because I’ve had two Diet Cokes so my guard is down and I’m so embarrassed that I let you all see me this way so I’m going to stop typing now so I don’t embarrass myself any further I could have danced all night on the street where you live wait why am I stringing together random song titles from My Fair Lady oh right it’s because I’m IN My Fair Lady and I’m in it with these lovely people plus a lot more lovely people so GET YOUR BLOOMIN’ TICKETS AND COME SEE US, PEOPLE I think I need another Diet Coke.

Live! Backstage at My Fair Lady!

Henry and Liza are fighting onstage as we speak. Soon they’ll be singing about fighting. Then they’ll fight about singing about fighting. Then I CAN’T TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THAT. Get your bloomin’ asses to Theatre Cedar Rapids and find out!

This, people—THIS!—is why you’re coming to see our last weekend of Fuddy Meers:

It's not because of our endlessly inventive fold-and-change set (though it IS pretty awesome). It's because of our almost-too-referential-to-be-in-good-taste house music (please register all complaints with someone else). It's not because of my Grammy-nominated, Canadian-trade-war-breaking, delicately nuanced portrayal of an honorable-but-faintly-flawed, unfairly stunning man who’s cruelly afflicted with alarmingly spiky hair and perhaps a mildly unsightly blemish or two (though thousands of ancestors of fallen Korean War soldiers are begging me from their graves to bring their children home based on the singularly stirring power of my comforting skin and my collective acting choices).

NO! None of that meaningless garbage is why you’re coming to see the last weekend of our show! Because THIS is why:

See these stairs? They go DOWN. To the BASEMENT. Of the THEATER. Where it’s NICE AND COOL. And these are just the actors’ stairs; yours have CARPET. And HAPPINESS. And OTHER CAPITALIZED THINGS.

And THEY’RE why you’re coming to see our show this unbearably hot Iowa weekend.

So get your hot, sweaty selves to our nice cool show NOW. You have only three more chances to see us before my Grammy nomination and my mildly unsightly blemishes are gone for good.