Flashback Friday: Garters and Underpants Edition

Last year at this time I was in a show that obligated me to wear sock garters. And underpants.

I have no such requirements for the show I'm in now. Just sayin'.

Get your tickets at theatrecr.org. DO IT.

I'm seeing The Secret Garden with my parents!

I wore green plaid shorts since the show is purportedly about a garden, but I’m not showing them in this photo because the show is purportedly about secrets.

One Haircut, No Longer a Guvnor

Goodbye, Stanley Stubbers. Hello, buzzcut sidewalls that don’t show so damn much gray.

Memorize me a little

One Man, Two Guvnors is over, the set is struck, the celebratory pizza is on its way ... all that’s left is to delete my lines that I recorded on my phone. Except for the Bobby monologue — it’s for tonight’s Revival There Company Ragtime/Bridges of Madison County/Sunday in the Park with George repertory season audition and I might save it for future reference. Even though I’ve totally aged out of the Bobby zone. But I’m still thankful for being alive.

One last show, still two guvnors, a cast of insanely delightful people

Theater fluff

This is the hair of a man who cashed in his semiannual I-don't-want-to-do-a-20-minute-elliptical-warmup-before-my-workout card this morning. Which is why it's fluffy-vertical instead of sweaty-droopy.

This is also the hair of a man who is so selflessly dedicated to his art that he hasn't had a haircut in two months so he looks decade-appropriate for a show he's in, which is set in 1963.

This is also the hair of a man who has TONS OF FRIENDS FLOCKING TO SEE THIS, THE FINAL WEEKEND OF SAID SHOW. Ahem.

Tickets: Giving Tree Theater

Thirsty theater thelfie

I love every aspect of Giving Tree Theater except for the fact that the words on its marquee sign show up only in highly specific, improbably rare 100-year-stars-aligned atmospheric conditions, SO WHY BOTHER?

Fortunately, those stars are aligned -- albeit behind all these sun-filtering clouds, which I'm sure have no influence on the photovisibility of the words on the marquee sign so I won't even bring it up -- right now, so I was able to get a marquee selfie with my bucket of Diet Coke SINCE OUR CAST PARTY LAST NIGHT WENT TO 2:00 AM so we're going to have an awesome, woke matinee. Just as soon as you get here. Because it's really crappy out. So you might as well come to the theater.

Jake is sitting still and in focus at a cast party

Floyd is at a cast party.

A bucket of Diet Coke. A fistful of hair goo.

Another weekend of One Man, Two Guvnors!

So many exciting things happened tonight:

The show sold out, our audience laughed and cheered and then laughed even more, I got my part in my hair combed perfectly straight, one of my secret straight crushes was in the audience and said hi to me afterward and I was able to not melt, and taking my lying-down selfie last night eliminated so many lines and wrinkles in my face that I did it again tonight just in case any secret straight crushes missed it last night and there was a chance I could yet convert them with my appearance of dewy youth tonight. Just let me know, fellas! My unhealthy obsession with you isn't going to ask itself on a date, and despite my lying-down millennial supermodel appearance, I'm not getting any younger.

I'm off to bed after another awesome day. By the time I wake up, the Chicago Marathon will be well underway or even over for many friends who are running it. Best of luck to all of you, and know that you're being cheered for from Iowa both during your highs and when you're pushing through your walls. I can't wait to hear your stories and see your pictures.

The radiation cupboard

1. Giving Tree Theater has the mega-coolest bathrooms in the history of all bathrooms in all theaters on all planets past, present and future.
2. Buzz-wham!
3. I go there to comb industrial-size drums of gel in my hair before each show.
4. Because I'm a Mad Man!
5. I freaking ROCKED my 'do tonight.
6. Buzz-wham!
7. Which is good because a LOT of people are going to see my hair tonight.
8. Because we're SOLD OUT, Britiches!
9. And it's only the second performance of our run.
10. BOOYAH!

Nobody ALL DAY noticed my limited-edition one-of-a-kind totally unique "JAKE The Musical!" T-shirt

And I had to take this selfie lying down because my face feels creasy and wrinkly and this is the only way short of surgery or witchcraft to smooth it out. But we had an AWESOME opening night and the audience laughed and cheered and my lovely Guvnors family was ridiculously silly and we had a delightful little cast party to celebrate and now I'm taking my creases and my wrinkles and my tragically overlooked T-shirt and my happy glowy memories of the evening and we're all going to bed. Good night!

One Man, Two Guvnors opens tonight!

But you're going to have to come find out for yourself which of the Two Guvnors I am.

The fortress of coifitude

One triumphant but sweaty rehearsal. One sprint to the car in the pouring rain. One unmoving, precision-parted 1963 Mad Men coif locked in place by a drum of military-grade hair gel.

Speaking of: super-cute new military-grade T-shirt!

Secret insider backstage tip from One Man, Two Guvnors:

The fake liquor is stored down here:

Come see One Man, Two Guvnors

Or I swear I'll jump off this pretend pier into the not-even-there pretend water below. But I'll have the darting let out on my suit coat first so it's not so bunchy around my middle. Or I'll stop eating pie backstage. Either way, I might as well look presentable when they find me, old chap.

Get your tickets post-haste at GivingTreeTheater.com

Backstage Build-a-Beatle Kit. Just add actors!

#WeirdRandomThingsIFoundInThePocketsOfMyCostume

Important things to note about One Man Two Guvnors tech Sunday, from left to right:

1. My sad attempt at a 1963 mop top. Which is not long for this world because I'm being upgraded to 1963 Mad Men hair.
2. My Mickey Mouse T-shirt. Because JAKE!
3. "A million donuts" (which might be an exaggeration but I'm a writer and not a mathematician so what do I know) courtesy of the theater.
4. My fountain Diet Coke that's so freakishly huge it might as well be a two-liter bottle but it still won't survive the day because YUM!
5. A bullet bra hanging on the wall. Of the box office. Because THEATER!

Who wore it best?

Tickets: One Man, Two Guvnors