You need a sex cadet when duty calls ...

I haven't told anyone this, but I'm doing a show.

There's nobody named Monty in the show, so I totally don't understand the title. I'm playing a guy named Harold, but The Full Harold just sounds like I've eaten a big dinner. Anyway, if you want to see this Monty guy, get your tickets now!

Ugly rehearsal ties can mean only one thing: WE'RE GONNA STRIP ALL OUR CLOTHES OFF!

Oops. I mean we had a lovely Full Monty rehearsal tonight. We worked on all the hard numbers, and I think we’re all now full of confidence and happenis.