Sigh

Three of Walmart’s finest ran into my cart in one trip and Iowa-timidated ME into saying Ope and I’m sorry but that’s just an egregious abuse of first-caucus-in-the-nation power.

Also: furnace filters + lightbulbs + non-slip rug pads + cat food-to-poop supplies = a sad, sad afternoon of quiet-desperation adulting

HOW TO ADULT:

1. Get an estimate to have the ugly, bubbly rust on your car repaired
2. Contain your flinching instinct when you get the original ballpark number
3. Head from there to get your oil changed
4. Remember to bring your coupon
5. Refrain from awkwardly flirting with the nerdy straight guy with the ugly shoes in the waiting room
6. Refrain from super-embarrassingly giggling and flipping your hair when you talk to the super-cute guy behind the counter
7. Head from there to the gym for the first time in over two months
8. Make up for all that lost time and all those atrophied muscles in one workout*
9. Sign an international supermodel contract*
10. Read the fine print

* delusions may vary

Jiffy Louvre must have been taken

You’d think Jiffy Lube would have logos all over its waiting room to get free advertising from bored customers taking waiting-room selfies to ease the tedium of adulting. But it only has acres of plain walls covered in faux stucco, giving us bored adulters no other option but to take selfies documenting the empty-vacuum desperation of our bland, meaningless, faux-stucco lives.

#GettingAnOilChange

#BeingAResponsibleAdult
#HavingMySqueakyWiperBladesReplaced
#BoredOutOfMySkullInTheWaitingRoom
#IHaveNoIdeaWhyImWritingInHashtags