Shoes

Really, Amazon Prime Video?

The entire batshit-crazypants Left Behind trilogy is free in your catalog but Can’t Stop the Music is $3.99?

Is it because I finally blocked all the fox “news” channels tonight?

Remember when President Obama was VILIFIED for:

• Arugula
• Flag pin
• Tan suit
• Mustard
• Chewing gum
• Private schools
• Healthy eating initiatives
• Michelle's bare arms
• Being black
• Oops! Did I just say being black?
• Overcoming a proudly obstructionist Congress to provide affordable healthcare for millions of Americans
• Being black

Ways.

#accidentalsmartness

Oh, SNAP

NPR’s Rachel Martin just spent five minutes trying to get straight, truthful answers about the border/shutdown shit show from White House Director of Strategic Communications (which is a fancy American way of saying Minister of Propaganda) Mercedes Schlapp, who kept greasily trying to change the subject and misrepresent selective truths in an effort to blanket-blame Democrats and RACHEL WASN’T HAVING IT as she quoted facts and played clips contradicting Mercedes’ scripted talking points and interrupted her desperate wandering AND I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE WHOOPED AND OH-NO-YOU-DI-HINT-ED AT ALEXA MORE THAN ONCE as Mercedes descended into audible flop sweat. She was clearly used to fielding softball questions from the Fox ilk—and I have NO idea what possessed her to attempt to defend the indefensible in a forum like NPR that always does its homework—but it was a very satisfying way to begin my day.

It's absurd! It's deranged! It's ...

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!

Makin' bullshit hit the fan

Foolin' no one with his tan

Looks like mushrooms from a can

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!

Pussy-grabber in a van

From five drafts cow-ard-ly ran

Broke Commandments One through Tan

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!

Naked porno wife Melan

Inbred-smelling child-er-an

Creepy, sleazy family clan

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!

Thinks the Jews wrote the Koran

Once read Two Corinthian

Evangelic Taliban

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!

Scared of far-off caravan

Wants an immigration ban

Mexico won't serve him flan

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!

Can't tell China from Japan

Vlad'mir Putin super-fan

Laughingstock of Kazakhstan

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!

Crippled trade without a plan

Killed business American

Epic failure presidan

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!

KKK republican

Middle name should be treasan

Benedict American

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!

Blames Obama where he can

Or blames Hill-a-ry Clintan

Shitty po-li-ti-ci-an

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!

Picked a fight with John McCan

John McCan had secret plan

Tariff Man got funeral ban

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!

No one bankrupts like he can

All his budgets overran

Cor-rupt can’t-make-deals moran

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!

Tweets while he sits on the can

Holds his bottles with two han

Probably likes Comic San

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!

Gets his "news" from Fox & Fran

Has-been celeb fan Roseanne

The Apprentice also-ran

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!

One-second attention span

He just can’t when others can

Too late for abortian

Not a meme. Just a screen grab.

Treason. For. The. Season.

I don't see Jesus anywhere in this graphic, so what exactly IS fox's treason-for-the-season agenda here?

IT’S DECEMBER 1!

We fire the first salvo in 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ...

I called fox to ask why my prediction came true that the caravan would instantly not matter the moment the polls closed

and the nice white lady on the phone said “insert desperate fake-news distraction here.”

Six *trained* off-duty police officers were at the bar and they couldn't stop the gunman

An armed police officer who was there expressly to stop the massacre was murdered by the gunman.

So please, everyone at fox news, demonstrate for the rest of us exactly how to charge an active shooter. You owe it to us.

We'll be waiting with our thoughts and prayers at the ready. Though I personally don't give a shit if anything happens to all of you.

From the Department Of Everything But Us Is Fake News:

And it’s people WHO, dumbass

Faux News pixelated a rubber mask. As though it were a nipple. The Republic is safe!

I hope her death is long, painful and humiliating. And soon.

Tucker is desperately rationalizing like one of trump’s wives

The heartbreak of shitty Q-Ratings

When CREATIVE GOLD gets only FIVE COLLECTIVE LIKES

Just you wait, prefab music industry. You'll be sorry you didn't buy, buy, buy these names when you had the chance.

It’s funny because it’s true