Good night!

Not a meme. Just a screen grab.

IT’S DECEMBER 1!

We fire the first salvo in 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ...

I called fox to ask why my prediction came true that the caravan would instantly not matter the moment the polls closed

and the nice white lady on the phone said “insert desperate fake-news distraction here.”

Just as Benghazi and “her emails” instantly disappeared from every republican talking point the second after the 2016 election

—except, of course, in case of emergency distraction—the two-months-away caravan will suddenly be less important than Puerto Rican hurricane victims to them by the time the first returns roll in tonight. Vote.

Remember when the republicans pretended to give a shit about character last year?

They sure worked hard to keep THAT charade up ...

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

Nice try, dipshit

The fucking little bitch is probably going to fucking block me

So. Much. Fucking. Winning.

But at least we've created all those domestic jobs and enjoyed the robust economic benefits of multiple trade wars and repealed the unarticulated evils of the ACA and bolstered our international standing and retained all those best people in the administration and lowered our collective golf handicap. 

Republican Mass-Shooting Emergency Checklist

1. Find out the color of the shooter: white = lone wolf/mentally unstable; dark = terrorist
2. If the shooter is a dark terrorist, make empty promises about travel bans and “extreme vetting”
3. If the shooter is a mentally unstable white lone wolf who couldn't possibly be described as a terrorist, well what can you do?
4. If an automatic machine gun was used for the mass murders, scream “Second Amendment!” every two minutes
5. If your name is trump, barely—if at all—acknowledge the shooting and hope that your next catastrophic moral, ethical or intellectual failure will make it disappear
6. Type “thoughts and prayers” on Twitter
7. Fire up the NRA we-need-more-guns spin propaganda machine that’s still warm from last week’s shooting
8. Create a distraction by committing treason
or: Declare that you’re fast-tracking never-discussed infrastructure legislation
or: Blame (in any order) Hillary, Obama, Democratic "obstruction" or the victims who didn't report the shooter's suspicious behavior
or: Bleat that this list is “inappropriate,” ignore that everything on it is documentable and scream that you are offended
or: Just wait for trump’s next batshit eruption, announcement or embarrassment to dominate the news cycle
9. Name all other possible weapons—especially knives!—that could have been used in a mass-shooting murder
10. If your name is trump, describe the murder victims as “beautiful”
11. Feign indignance and bleat “now is not the time” when anyone suggests the country needs to discuss and enact preventive gun control
12. Conspicuously do not declare the proper time to discuss or enact preventive gun control
13. Cite the above pre-packaged propaganda in interviews with news sources you otherwise scream are fake news
14. Type “thoughts and prayers” on Twitter
15. Do nothing meaningful, productive, rational, uncorrupt or humane

It’s funny because it’s true

It’s so cute that he’s finally learned the SPELLING of “smart”

ADDENDUM: Apparently the stupid old fuck WASN'T lying for once about his crowd size. But I’m still leaving this post up to retroactively mock him for the many previous empty rallies and inaugurations that he pathetically bragged were full. Plus I want to think I contributed to one of his epic meltdowns. Plus I’m making some fake news that he can for once tell the truth about.

This post is a public service on SO MANY LEVELS.

Sheep may safely graze

Oh, you do NOT want to know my beliefs, you pussy-grabbing, puerile, belligerent, lying, corrupt, treasonous, arrogant, half-wit dotard. That I can tell you.

Remember dotard’s national #CharacterCountsWeek in October?

What an example he set! What a commitment to follow-through! What a difference he made! Good times!

Keep this handy for next week

Is it too late for his parents to get an abortion?

National Character Counts Week so far:

Living example of character and integrity Monday 16 October: The New Yorker reports that Dotard has laughingly made a joke that Pence "wants to hang" all gay people. Neither living example of character and integrity even makes an attempt to refute the story.

Living example of character and integrity Tuesday 17 October: After 13 days of complete silence over the October 4 ambush murder of U.S. Army Sgt. La David Johnson in Niger, Dotard finally contacts his pregnant widow to tell her "You know he must've known what he signed up for."

Living example of character and integrity Wednesday 18 October: After loudly launching his bullshit distraction pretending-to-do-president-stuff-theme-week "Infrastructure Week" on June 6 -- specifically "announcing his Administration’s infrastructure plans this week on Air Traffic Control, addressing the inland waterway system, and improving project efficiency" (whitehouse.gov) -- Dotard hasn't mentioned it again, clearly failed miserably at something he never had the intention or even basic competence to do, and pretty much hasn't done shit except golf and cloak his piece-of-shit racism in fake-news patriotism.

(In case you missed it, Dotard MADE A JOKE about Vice President "I'm a Christian first" Pence wanting to LYNCH GAY PEOPLE.)

Respect

WARNING: If you're too delicate to handle the language I choose to express my white-hot fury at our puerile dotard and the ways he's destroying our country, I don't want to hear about it.

Trump's incessant, braying tweets and Pence's gratuitously manufactured stunt claiming patriotic indignation over American citizens kneeling during the National Anthem are a collective bullshit argument that serves three purposes:

• To redirect the narrative from peaceful protests against America's systemic racism to a "disrespectful" war against the flag, veterans and the soul of America itself -- all of which tacitly propagates the same racism by deliberately ignoring the simple-to-understand purpose of these Constitutionally protected protests
• To serve as a desperate distraction from the sometimes hourly revelations about Dotard's corrupt, psychopathic, imploding clusterfuck administration and what it's already done to our standing around the world
• To inflame the passions of what's left of Dotard's pants-wetting dipshit voter base that's too proudly racist and too defiantly uneducated to do anything but cheer that their racist hatred and toxic ignorance are somehow finally being rewarded and construed as patriotism ... patriotism that they're too too blindly stupid to see is cloaked in a torn, burned, shit-stained American flag

True Christians have a phrase for lying

#TenCommandments