Showing posts with label racism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label racism. Show all posts

Sunday, August 25, 2019

LITANY OF DEMANDS

1. Laundered socks will reunite on their own like Cary Grant and Debra Kerr in An Affair to Remember but sooner and with no off-screen auto accidents or racist music recitals.
2. Smoke alarms with dying batteries will not chirp so randomly that you can’t figure out which ones need rebatterying but will instead shout HEY! OVER HERE! THIS ONE! MARCO ... MARCO ... MARCO ... POLO! YOU FOUND ME! NOW REPLACE MY BATTERY!
3. I will finally master the “bowler brim” verse of “Put On Your Sunday Clothes.”

Monday, August 12, 2019

Has it really been only two years?

Remember two years ago when KKK Grand Wizard (what the fuck is THAT stupid title about, racists?) David Duke responded expectantly to all your white-supremacist dog whistles when you started your appalling abortion of a presidency, trump? Now your inbred disciples are regularly following your orders to open fire on brown people with small-dicked-incel assault weapons. And you fucking SUCK at pretending you're shocked.

There is not enough piss in the world to properly drench your grave.

Thursday, June 13, 2019

With apologies to every farmer's dog named Bingo ...

There was a moron had mob
Of bad Administration.

Mass-in-COM-pe-tence!
Rats-off-SIN-king-ships!
How-gay-IS-Mike-Pence?

A racist traitor shit-ho!

Monday, May 06, 2019

Remember when President Obama was VILIFIED for:

• Arugula
• Flag pin
• Tan suit
• Mustard
• Chewing gum
• Private schools
• Healthy eating initiatives
• Michelle's bare arms
• Being black
• Oops! Did I just say being black?
• Overcoming a proudly obstructionist Congress to provide affordable healthcare for millions of Americans
• Being black

Monday, March 04, 2019

On this holy and widely celebrated National Grammar Day,

let us pause—using the punctuation of our choice—to give thanks that the holiday’s name has been shortened from the National Violent, Racist Grammar Day that was established in the bygone era of this venerable childhood grammar primer that up with which my mom grew.

Tuesday, February 05, 2019

Mental Illness Theater

I’m very, VERY busy alphabetizing my dryer lint in order of who has the cutest boyfriend tonight, so I’ll be understandably unable to watch Derp Fuhrer waddle through the indignities of end-stage syphilis as his collective stink of ineptitude, racism and borschtburders wafts across the House chamber like the frothy spittle of married siblings pulled from their confederate bedsheets and forced to think about gays eating cake in the harsh light of day.

But have fun holding down your dinner if for some reason you find value in sitting through the STFU. Or however you spell it.

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

To impeach or not

Read the article HERE.

I took advantage of my suddenly commitment-free evening to clear out some articles I’d saved to read for a wintry day. This one is epic in scope—block out A LOT of time to read and fully absorb what it says—but it’s a fascinating primer/refresher on the contextual and procedural mechanics of impeachment and how they’ve played out historically to act as potential case law today.

I didn’t realize the Constitution’s complete listing of impeachable offenses is just “Treason, Bribery, or other High Crimes & Misdemeanors”—which, as you might imagine, leaves itself open for a frustratingly vast ocean of interpretation. I’m also embarrassed to admit I didn’t realize that impeachment is just the indictment half (coming from the House) of the proceedings, which continue with a hearing in the Senate and culminate in removal from office if there’s a guilty verdict. (Also: Of the country’s three impeachment attempts to date—Andrew Johnson, Nixon and Clinton—none resulted in formal removal from office; Nixon resigned before the House vote and Johnson and Clinton weren’t found guilty by the Senate.)

According to this article, trump is beyond the point of needing to be removed from office but so far may not have done enough that can measurably be considered “Treason, Bribery, or other High Crimes & Misdemeanors”—at least not enough worth formally opening up the Pandora’s box of impeachment hearings. I don’t know anything about the author so I can’t account/discount for political bias, but I feel immensely more informed on the foundational elements of impeachment from reading it.

As an additional primer/refresher, the article’s contextual sidebars on the Andrew Johnson impeachment after the Civil War—along with a bit of Wikipedia reading on my own—gave me a more nuanced (and more chronological) understanding of Reconstruction, Jim Crow, Plessy v. Ferguson, and the “separate but equal” doctrines that extended to the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

This is a fascinating—albeit long—read, and I encourage you to block out some time to really digest it if you’re at all curious/unclear about the prospect of facing our country’s fourth attempt at impeachment.

Friday, January 11, 2019

It's January 11 and I've already broken my resolution to not engage with dipshit assholes on social media

But I didn't specify RACIST dipshit assholes in my resolution, and I'm not putting up with any of their cousin-curious bullshit ... especially from this first dude, who's too chicken to show his Master Race face in his profile when he defends racist shitholes like Steve King.

DO. NOT. BE. RACIST. Especially in front of me.

Sunday, December 23, 2018

Poor Deplorable Diane

She’s neither almost halfway to understanding math nor almost halfway to writing sentences that represent rudimentary American English. She should really go back to her country so we can build a wall to keep her kind out.

Thursday, December 06, 2018

It's absurd! It's deranged! It's ...



Tariff Man! Tariff Man!
Makin' bullshit hit the fan
Foolin' no one with his tan
Looks like mushrooms from a can

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!
Pussy-grabber in a van
From five drafts cow-ard-ly ran
Broke Commandments One through Tan

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!
Naked porno wife Melan
Inbred-smelling child-er-an
Creepy, sleazy family clan

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!
Thinks the Jews wrote the Koran
Once read Two Corinthian
Evangelic Taliban

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!
Scared of far-off caravan
Wants an immigration ban
Mexico won't serve him flan

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!
Can't tell China from Japan
Vlad'mir Putin super-fan
Laughingstock of Kazakhstan

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!
Crippled trade without a plan
Killed business American
Epic failure presidan

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!
KKK republican
Middle name should be treasan
Benedict American

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!
Blames Obama where he can
Or blames Hill-a-ry Clintan
Shitty po-li-ti-ci-an

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!
Picked a fight with John McCan
John McCan had secret plan
Tariff Man got funeral ban

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!
No one bankrupts like he can
All his budgets overran
Cor-rupt can’t-make-deals moran

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!
Tweets while he sits on the can
Holds his bottles with two han
Probably likes Comic San

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!
Gets his "news" from Fox & Fran
Has-been celeb fan Roseanne
The Apprentice also-ran

Tariff Man! Tariff Man!
One-second attention span
He just can’t when others can
Too late for abortian