When I bold-caps-reverse-Comic-Sans MY staggeringly insincere condolences over the death of someone who has devoted his life to serving our country, I always end them with an exclamation point too

Oh—and I ALWAYS INCLUDE A PHOTO OF MYSELF.

Seriously?

Man-boy is STILL so obsessed with the size of his ... crowds that he's using this photo as his Twitter banner. Not a picture of him showing familial love and support for any of the so-recently traumatized children from his multiple wives. Nothing showcasing his celebrated bipartisan deal-making accomplishments. Nothing representing international diplomacy or a show of solidarity with, say, any G7 country that may have dealt with multiple terror attacks in the last 48 hours. Nothing promoting the coming together of a deeply divided America. Nope. Just a tightly cropped crowd shot outside of his plane. Because his pathologically desperate need for validation and popularity is the Number One message he wants to telegraph to the world.

Him first. And only him. Him, him, him.

Everything's just wonderful!

Didja do anything productive with the students, Melania? Share knowledge? Celebrate cultures? Offer tips on contouring or gold-digging? Or was it just all about you having a wonderful time?

Ya know, your man-boy husband does the same thing in his tweets: He always reports that he has "good meetings" with people as though that were newsworthy or valuable information to share with the public. He never reports topics discussed, commonalities found, diplomacies achieved ... just the relentless goodness of every meeting he has. It's like neither of you has critical thinking skills, the ability to interpret experiences or shape narratives, a useful education, or even shame over the fact that of all the things that happen in your glamorous, influential, tireless-public-servant lives, all you can ever seem to come up with when you decide Hey! I should put this on Twitter! is that your meetings were good ... or to your great fortune today, wonderful.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were both pointless, uneducated, narcissistic, tone-deaf hypocrites who suck the blood of taxpayers and sleep on beds of dead children. But we all know that's not true. As you told us in your tweet today, all you do with children is have a wonderful time with them. And that's just wonderful!

And by "meaningful" you mean "meaningless"

Your dad literally tried to ban an entire religion from our country. To refresh your selective, delusional, self-serving memory, he demanded "a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States." Which is the exact OPPOSITE of "promotion of religious tolerance globally."

Either your entire family is stupid or you all desperately hope that what's left of your moral and intellectual swamp of a base is.

Don't come back from your trip, Ivanka. Any of you. You're not good enough to call yourselves Americans.

Oh, Sweetie. Bless your heart.

1. The way you typed this with your chocolate-cake-covered thumbs, you have your surrogates somehow collectively being a very active president. So yes, you totally have an accuracy problem. Just not where you in your delusional narcissism think it is.

2. It's your surrogates' job to provide accurate information about your administration to the press. Not to hide in bushes. Not to yell at black people. If they don't provide accurate information, they can always use the time-honored "let me get back to you" duck and run, which at least gives everyone the impression that they're taking the time to ask questions and do research to be accurately informed while they're most likely stalling for time to find a way to spin your increasingly delusional and bizarre words and actions into a way to blame big black Barack Obama for your catastrophic failings.

3. Speaking of your catastrophic failings, if your surrogates don't have perfect accuracy, either they're incompetent or you are. Which, again, is Barack Obama's fault. Or Hillary's. Or now Comey's! Your hallucinatory little world is filled with wondrous possibilities.

4. "Lots of things happening" is a conveniently passive way of implying your schedule is just packed with important presidenty things, which in the real world do not involve golfing every weekend at tremendous taxpayer expense, locking up your third failing marriage in a gilded New York tower also at tremendous taxpayer expense, being an appallingly absent parent to all your children except the ones who actively sustain your practices of corruption and self-aggrandizement, and desperately changing your lies about why you fired the Republican-appointed, served-under-four-consecutive-presidents, in-the-middle-of-investigating-you-for-corruption FBI director on the national news and THEN by letter while you knew he was out of town instead of being a big brave professional "businessman" president and doing it in person.

5. "Cancel all press briefings"? Isn't that what a despotic dictator would do? I'll give you a moment to ask your presidential surrogates if anyone knows the word despot.

6. Getting back to point #1, your inability to write an accurate tweet makes your proposal to "hand out written responses" is the exact opposite of "the best thing to do."

7. And while we're on the topic of your tweets, they're getting longer and more punctuationy and more desperately-blame-everyone-else-but-yourselfy by the day. You're not fooling anyone but your arrogance; you are unhinged, flying off the rails, and hopefully literally and very soon slamming your smug face into the side of a mountain in a catastrophic crash of your own psychopathy.

8. I loathe you.

9. I loathe everyone who voted for and still defiantly supports you.

10. I loathe you.

There's no reason for this. There's no reason for YOU.

Unlearn basic American history here

"Andrew Jackson ... was really angry that he saw what was happening with regard to the Civil War, he said 'There’s no reason for this.'”Andrew Jackson's presidency ended 24 years before the Civil War. ANDREW JACKSON DIED 16 YEARS BEFORE THE CIVIL WAR.

"Why was there the Civil War? Why could that one not have been worked out?"I refuse to answer this for you. Do your damn homework. Read a book. Finish high school. I hate you. I hate you for your stupidity. I hate you for your lazy, willful ignorance. I hate you for your delusional, self-serving narcissism. I hate you for your desperate need for affirmation above the interests and very safety of everyone else. I hate you for thinking and acting and pretending like you know what's going on as you drive my beloved country off a cliff and into an abyss of your own making, an abyss as bottomless as your intelligence and integrity and dignity and lack of capacity for shame.

I go out of my way not to let myself be eaten up by hatred for other people, but with every fiber of my being I hate you.

Have some whine and enjoy the Oscars

Read the article here

PricewaterhouseCoopers caused the Oscar blunder. Any reasonably sober third-grader instinctively knows that.

The whiny "Hollywood elites" tedium is just another desperate distraction from the fact that -- as always -- our petulant, inarticulate man-boy president still isn't "focused so hard" on anything productive.

Points for documenting his sources for once.

But negative points for documenting his hypocritical, selective stupidity.