Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Santa Room Ramblings

We have many Santas. As in many many many Santas. We have so many Santas, in fact, that we have a holiday Santa Room, which is the decorating equivalent of a Trump Library. Except we don't have any coloring books. Or jumbo-size boxes of white crayons.
But we DO have a creepily faceless Santa head decorated with red crayon and an acre of cotton balls, which is an extremely rare and highly collectible artifact from my sister's mid-1970s Scissors and Glue Period. Contact me privately for provenance documentation, auction availability and insurance valuation.
You'll notice a little whimsical seated Santa in the front of each collection photo here. He's actually my favorite Santa in our little Santa diaspora. He's ACTUALLY actually the only Santa in the village I quite frankly don't find ugly, overprecious or trampy. (I put that last one in there just to see if you're paying attention. Of course Santas aren't trampy; they just peddle their wares for cheap store-bought cookies and access to garterless stockings. Draw your own conclusions.) But back to my little whimsical seated Santa (whom I've named Jerome in tribute to the unfairly shunned and callously-redacted-from-the-history-books-and-the-beloved-stop-animation-television-specials tenth reindeer who -- oh, let's all be grown-ups and just say it -- was a "confirmed bachelor," if you know what I mean, wink wink) and where was I? Oh, yes: Jerome, the whimsical seated Santa, whom you'll notice is the ONLY Santa on the entire Santa Room manifest who's missing a whimsical little leg. Which doesn't make me love him any less -- I'm not Paul Ryan trying to take away his insurance because he has a pre-existing condition -- but it does limit our prospects as a world-famous whimsical tap-dancing brother act. But look at his whimsical little face! And the whimsical little spiral spiraling out of his whimsical little hat! (Full disclosure: Blogger is paying me $70 per "whimsical." I get only $56 per "Bitch Kitty," but market rates is market rates.)

So. Santa Room. Trump joke. Cotton balls. Whimsical. Jerome. Tap dance. I think I've covered all the topics I was contracted to cover in this post. Except "I just had blood drawn today by a guy who was so cute I almost asked him to marry me but that might have made things awkward and he had a giant needle in my arm so I demurely refrained." But I'll save that for a later time. Like our honeymoon.

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