1. When you move home from Chicago to Cedar Rapids three years ago, remember to cancel your Chicago renters' insurance.
1(a). Over the course of those three years, also be sure to notice that the monthly premiums for the renters' insurance that you should have canceled are still being automatically charged to your credit card.
1(b). Every freaking month.
1(c). For THREE FREAKING YEARS.
1(d). Or maybe you're too stupid to have a credit card.
1(e). Or insurance.
1(f). Or nice things in general.
1(g). Because think of all the nice things you could have bought over the last three years with the THIRTY-SIX MONTHLY INSURANCE PREMIUMS YOU NEVER NOTICED YOU WERE PAYING AUTOMATICALLY ON YOUR CREDIT CARD.
2. There is no Rule #2.
2(a). You're too stupid even to handle Rule #1.
2(b) We thought we raised you to be more responsible than that.
2(c). You're going to spend yourself into the poorhouse buying insurance you don't need for a place you don't occupy in a city where you don't live.
2(d). You'll probably die poor and alone in the street.
2(e). On the bright side, you'll be insured.
2(f). Just not the way you need to be.
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