This tweet aged well ...

Remember when this POS literally hid in the bushes to avoid speaking to the press--WHICH WAS HIS JOB--and then later said it was because he was fat?

Raise your hand if you've ever body-shamed yourself to the point you've hidden in bushes to avoid doing your job. I'll wait.

Maybe if he smiled more to look pretty ...

Oops! Oops! Oops!

Alcoholic-o

Remember how last year my Big Birthday Broadway Bash Blowout! was delayed NINETEEN HOURS

because of bad weather and broken planes and canceled flights and I ended up DRIVING IN A CAR WITH COMPLETE STRANGERS ALL THE WAY TO O’HARE to get on the last possible flight to NYC and I ended up getting there at 2:00 am and I missed my Jimmy Fallon taping and my window for a show the night of my flight in? Remember? REMEMBER?

IT’S. HAPPENING. A. GAI. N. N. Nnnnn.

Our goddamn plane broke between the gate and the O’Hare runway and then officially was declared out of service and we came back to a different gate and got kicked off and the guy seated behind me had already established himself as totally goddamned obnoxious because He Was The Most Important Person On The Plane Who Therefore Will Kick Me Repeatedly In Every Way Possible Even From Under My Seat and Now He Had To Get Off Immediately Because Fuck All You Little People so I made a point of getting in front of him as we got in the aisle and OH NO IT TOOK ME A VERY LONG TIME TO BEND OVER AND PICK UP MY CARRY-ON FROM UNDER THE SEAT IN FRONT OF ME AND THEN OOPS I FORGOT MY BOOK SO I HAD TO SEARCH FOR IT IN THE SEAT POCKET HMMM WHERE DID IT GO OH THERE IT IS so that part was at least kind of awesome but anyway American just happened to have a spare of the almost exact same plane just sitting around—kind of like I do with peanut butter and lack of boyfriends—so our flight wasn’t canceled but we had to move to yet a different gate WHERE THE DAMN GATE AGENT ALSO PRONOUNCED IT CONCI-AIR and now we’re on the plane and we lost our exit row and Cap’ Assholepants has resumed kicking me plus the guy next to him is playing shitty music really loudly because of course he is and I’m doing the math in my head and I’m pretty sure I’ll still get there in time for a matinee but in the mean time look at my selfie and say our new gate number really fast and you’ll know what I think about my Big Birthday Broadway Bash Blowout Bad Breakdown Bummer Bane Bungle Burden Bullshit Boobies.

I might have added boobies at the end just to see if you were still paying attention. Or to complete the rhythmic alliteration. Or because I’m catastrophically immature.

He doesn't believe an entire globe of scientists and catastrophic empirical evidence about climate change but he believes a genocidal dictator because he was nice once

I really hope it’s one of the Illegal McFireworksons loudly displaying their stupidity in our neighborhood

My Attorney’s Getting Arrested. MAGA!

Shithole shit

Shithole Genius is about to shout NEGRO! Or something.

I’m a bigot

I have an attorney who’s not a kidfucker.

Asses, asses and more asses

Read all about these asses and their asses here

I find myself having a difficult time caring about these two self-absorbed asses and what they're about to face, but I am worried that the evangelical American Taliban will blow this story into a rallying cry around this "proof" that all gay people are perverted degenerates who brazenly commit "religious insults" (because -- for the purposes of this one specific news-cycle outrage -- the American Taliban will suddenly become VERY concerned about the cultural sensitivities of foreign religions) and then dotard will opportunistically climb on board to get points for hating gays AND punishing them -- though, as always, he'll have zero influence on anything to do with their punishment or anything else in the world for that matter -- and his shit-drooling minions will be emboldened to exhibit even more hate toward even more people in this pervasively toxic political environment he and his mouth-breathing orbit continue to breed, grope and propagate.

5 days until #Hallowmeme

Is it too late for his parents to get an abortion?

More pathological Republican moral hypocrisy

Read about the piece of shit here ... if you even need to

I'm not even going to read this article or google this subhuman filth to check my facts before I state with absolute certainty that this abortion-demanding adulterer has repeatedly barked out his allegiance to the following tiredly predictable, ultimately meaningless party-line positions designed to inflame the passions of his ignorant, uneducated voter base:
* pro-family
* pro-marriage
* pro-sanctity-of-marriage
* pro-"religious liberty" (which we all know is pathetically lazy code for "we hate the gays")
* pro-life (yet pro-assault-weapon)
* pro-ten-commandments
* anti-abortion
* pro-"this is a personal matter, don't ask me any questions, show some respect for my family and personal life"

Whatever your name is, you interchangeable republican moral hypocrite, I hate you. I hope today's comprehensively unsurprising revelations cause you and everyone you love ten times the staggering, crushing pain that you and your words and your votes and your sociopolitical influence have inflicted on every gay person and every terrified pregnant woman and every victim of gun violence in this country.

Today in Anti-Gay "Christian" "Pro-Marriage" Republicans Who Inevitably Commit Adultery:

Community challenge:

Troll Joel Osteen HARD on Twitter until he blocks us all, which he apparently has spent the day doing instead of ... oh, I dunno ... HELPING anyone.

The verdict is in!

Bill -- who once started an interview with an atheist on a topic that had nothing to do with atheism by asking "Why do you hate god?" -- here makes an argument based solely on a completely irrelevant and highly subjective opinion, in 10 words converts it to "fact" and one comma later uses it to be the first person ever to prove a negative using a single empirical opinion.

Well that's all the evidence *I* need. In Betsy DeVos' education system, high-school-senior Jared probably can't even spell treason, much less commit it. Plus he's kinda white!

#JaredIsInnocent!

OF COURSE there's a goddamn confederate flag

Because American "patriots" ALWAYS support an anti-American army that was defeated by America.