I’m tired of waiting

I have an 8K I want to run in three weeks and I need to train and my head pain is as low as it’s ever been over the last four weeks and I’m wide awake anyway and I’ve kept my running watch charged all this time just in case and I’m wearing my lifeguard shirt in case I drown so even though my ears are still screaming EEEEEEEEE in my head and my hair looks as lush as my hostas FUCK THIS HEADACHE PAIN—I’M GOING RUNNING!

I may be back in three minutes or three miles. Stay tuned ...

Things I found in my storage unit today PART I

• A friendly nisse
• Blue suede cake mix
• Prince Albert in a can
• Brett Somers
• Elton John

We gays have the best stuff hidden away in our storage units

I'm dilated to meet you

PRO TIP: Never get your eyes dilated on a sunny day with snow on every surface of the world that reflects the sun's rays from every direction like white-hot lasers burning holes in your unprotected retinas.

If you're dumb enough to not heed my warning, at least bring some decent--REAL--sunglasses to wear home.

The last time I’ll pin a racing bib to my Summer Of Running Away From Being 50 shirt*

The last half marathon I’ll probably ever run, unless I have a tidal change of heart—and knee pain. Hopefully the last time I’ll compulsively eat like I’m running 20+ miles a week.

4:00 am alarm.

4:30 am bus.

5:30 am gun.

13.1 miles.

LET’S. MAKE. THIS. HAPPEN.

*Plastic “Wishing Star” not included in race. It was a little souvenir given to me for no discernible reason at our Cinderella’s Castle dinner. I put it in this traditional pre-race race-outfit photo to add a literal glimmer of Disney sparkle.

#HowToTurn50

Break out the cargo shorts and black socks with Tevas because We! Are! Here!

The bus stop at the Island of Aruba in the Caribbean Beach Resort is the best Disney fun we’ve had all day. SO FAR.

Wheels Down In Orlando Step 1: BADASS SUNGLASSES