Tuesday, October 24, 2017

I’m gettin’ belted

ROUND 1: The two tiny anchor screws suddenly come loose and fall out of the buckle of my favorite (because it reverses from a handsome gray to a versatile black) belt within a few days of each other.

ROUND 2: The ultra-patient, ultra-helpful man at Ace Hardware spends more than 15 minutes trying every tiny screw in every drawer of the vast hardware aisle looking for replacement screws that have the right gauge, thread size and length before declaring that my only option appears to be industrial-strength adhesive.

ROUND 3: I squeeze gooey globs of Liquid Nails into the buckle, push the strap in, carefully wipe off the bit that squishes out, and lock it all in a vice for 36 hours to set and dry.

ROUND 4: While getting dressed at the gym yesterday, I confidently and a little bit excitedly thread one end of my newly repaired favorite belt through one — ONE! — belt loop ... and the buckle promptly falls off the other end.

ROUND 5: I celebrate an impromptu Show Your Co-Workers Your Underpants Day at work for the next eight hours.

ROUND 6: In — of course — bright red underpants.

Jake’s favorite belt: 6
Jake: 0

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