Secrets of theater magic: Strippin’ Stuff!

1. Elastic shoelaces WHICH ARE THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT INVENTION OF THE THEATER SINCE STAGE LIGHTING THAT DOESN’T PERIODICALLY EXPLODE AND BURN YOU ALIVE IN FRONT OF A HORRIFIED AUDIENCE

2. Microphone pack hidden in hat BECAUSE LET’S BE SERIOUS WHERE THE HELL ELSE COULD YOU PUT IT?

3. Bright red thong with giant pop-off snaps BUT THAT’S ACTUALLY FROM MY PRIVATE COLLECTION SO IT DOESN’T REALLY COUNT AS *THEATER* MAGIC

"Power play" is a hockey word. Look it up.

Last year today I was singing a power-play arrangement of “All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth” sporting authentic hockey gear and two magic-of-theater missing teeth in front of the power-play Orchestra Iowa in my beloved (and, obvs, power-play) Paramount Theatre.

Today today I’ll be tap-dancing with a merry band of bejinglebelled elves in the last of an eminently delightful five-week run of Elf the Musical at the always-eminently-delightful Theatre Cedar Rapids.

The only arguable difference here is I’ll be wearing brand-new work gloves to strike our set tonight.

Elf The Musical preset time!

It looks like I’m wearing my Doug The Christmas Cop hat in this artfully composed photographic portrait, but I’m not! Because it’s PRESET!

And that, my uncultured friends, is the magic of theater!

Secrets of #ElfTheMusical theater magic, Lesson 2:

The Greenway Press employees who are “sitting in their cubes” STAGE RIGHT are actually “squatting behind some wooden things on wheels and smiling enthusiastically and attentively for our artfully composed group selfie UNLIKE the not-attention-paying ninnymugginses STAGE LEFT who took forever to notice me for their artfully composed portraiture last night.”

The more you know (sparkly shooting star!)

Secrets of #ElfTheMusical theater magic, Lesson 1:

The Greenway Press employees who are “sitting in their cubes” are actually “squatting behind some wooden things on wheels and taking FOREVER to notice that I’m trying to take their picture across the stage as I squat behind some other wooden things on wheels.”

Let the record show that I was guns-at-the-ready for their retaliatory photography:

The more you know (sparkly shooting star!)