Aurora tech rehearsal!

When you play a range of interesting characters, you get a range of interesting props.

* Phrenology head not included.
* And the Superman protein shaker is mine because I just came from the gym.
* But I’m sure at least one of my characters world work out.
* AND MY CHARACTERS DESERVE THEIR TRUTH.

Yesterday marked an unholy confluence of events that in the mortal world happen only on a frustratingly mismatched timeframe:

I ran out of pre-workout shake mix and post-workout recovery shake mix ON. THE. SAME. DAY.

Fortunately, I've recently purchased two exciting new products that are just waiting for their turn to jump into the rotation ... though never in their wildest dreams did they think they'd do it together. I took a new-family photo* this morning with an artfully tipped shaker bottle for context and an apple because there was one sitting there and it seemed like a healthy (and shiny!) prop.

Anywho, I'm about to chug my first shaker of Beyond Raw LIT Clinically Dosed Pre-Workout in an exciting flavor called Icy Fireworks, which are two words that separately could be horrible ways to die but together I hope taste like Awesome.

Then I'll chug GNC AMP Wheybolic Clinically Proven Performance Protein to recover from my LIT-fueled workout.

THEN I'LL BE HUUUUUUUUGE! Please enlarge your doorways if you want me to visit.

*Slightly bumpy apple and nicked-up shaker bottle sold separately.

One of the most emotionally freeing things I’ve ever done

is allowing myself to stop worrying that I have the lids matched with their original color-coordinated shaker bottles every morning when I pack for the gym.

Not the Superman and Batman shaker bottles, though. I’m not a monster.

I’m fully stocked for my post-Follies return to the gym

(Decorative tin and beanbag juggling cows sold separately.)

Goodbye, crappy, gay-pink-wannabe shaker bottle

You and your lid that refuses to fit correctly no matter how tightly I screw it on have dedicated your now short, tragic lives to dribbling sticky pre- and post-workout shakes all over the counters, the floor, my clothes and my car. You suck so much that you don’t even have a recycling logo on your stupid butt. So I’ve unceremoniously thrown you in the gym garbage with the sweat-soaked paper towels I and an army of grungy strangers use to wipe down our equipment when we’re done. You seem to thrive in a damp, drippy environment though, so maybe you’ll enjoy your eternity in some fetid landfill of your own making. But my counters, floor, clothes and car are throwing me a celebration party where nothing will get spilled, so I don’t care.

The outsides of my shoes match my socks and my shaker bottle

The insides of my shoes match my stalwart heterosexuality.

Bedtime snacks!

A whey protein shake for fast workout recovery and strong muscles. And the entire Nabisco test kitchen for stubborn weight gain and gout.

What IS this unholy alchemy?

I have never in my life encountered a pre-workout-shake scoop that even acknowledges the narrow-bottle-mouth needs of people who mix their shakes in slim water bottles. Yet this scoop has a hinged funnel BUILT RIGHT ONTO IT.

It must be a witch.

Day 1 of 7

A number of people have challenged me to post seven days of black and white photos about my life, but until just now I did not know 1) how on earth I was going to take black and white photos and then somehow get them on my phone or computer so I could post them on Facebook or my blog or 2) that my phone has a photo-editing function to turn color photos into black and white. THANKS FOR COLLUDING TO KEEP THAT A SECRET FROM ME, PEOPLE. Anyway, as you probably know, the challenge is to post seven photos that illustrate your life but with no people and no explanations. I feel weird passing on the challenge to specific other people I call out by name because what if they reject me in the same way they concealed basic phone functionality information from me but if you haven’t been challenged yet by anyone who knows how to use a phone camera consider this your challenge. This is my day 1 of 7.