Presidential Hillary's second debate with Snifflin' Don was two years ago tonight

Facebook just reminded me that I live-blogged the entire Eminent Capability vs Syphilitic Dumpster Fire Smackdown! in real time:

8:06 PM
Hillary didn't shake his hand. Probably because who knows where it's been.

8:12 PM
Locker-room talk --> ISIS. It's a logical progression.

8:16 PM
"It's just words." It's more like Mental Illness Theater.

8:38 PM
Hillary delivers a thoughtful, nuanced organized, detail-focused description of what is and isn't working in the ACA. Donald just repeats the word "disaster" and says he's going to do "something" about it. Oh, and that he has "plans." And that it's a "disaster." Sniff.

8:51 PM
"She just went 25 seconds over her time limit." And she stole my favorite toy. Waaaah. Sniff.

8:58 PM
"Carried interest." When did Trump learn an economy word? I just got a tiny (which is the opposite of "bigly") bit of respect for his math tutor.

9:04 PM
"I understand taxes better than anyone in this country." Then why do you use tax accountants? Compared to your stated genius, their ineptitude must be frustrating.

9:19 PM
Once again, Hillary is talking in thoughtfully nuanced paragraphs to answer the question about what she would do about the humanitarian crisis in Syria. Trump just calls her a "disaster" and has to be re-asked the question TWICE plus have the subject patiently explained to him by Martha Raddatz and he not only can't answer the question but he says he's never even talked about it with his running mate. HOLY SHIT.

9:22 PM
I'm chugging a shot of Trump Vodka every time he says "disaster." So far I've downed three bottles but it's such shitty vodka all it's done is make me have to pee.

9:31 PM
There are three people in my life I don't want to feel smarter than: my boss, my doctor and my president. I have an awesome boss, I have a brilliant doctor ... but I'm facing the prospect of having a syphilitic (sniff) psychopathic passive-aggressive imbecile in Mr. Pumpkin makeup as a president. Sniff.

9:46 PM
The question is in two parts, Donald: How to meet our energy needs and how to do it without damaging the environment. Your only answer is deregulation ... with a couple passive-aggressive jabs at Hillary. Oh, and speaking of Hillary, she efficiently answers both questions in a thoughtful, informed, articulated set of paragraphs.

The Nike shoes I ordered on Tuesday arrived yesterday (because Nordstrom doesn't mess around when it comes to shipping) but they're kinda ugly

So I'm returning them and I pre-ordered THIS instead:

Operation Desert Stormy

Meanwhile, back in I'mTooBusyPresidentingToWatchTVLand ...

#Sad

That I can tell you

I forgot to post this bitchy twofer yesterday

I hope I'm not too late and he's suddenly become competent. Boy, would THAT be embarrassing.

Hiding stuff is so tacky

A competent president would ask these questions to maybe the FBI or a special investigator or something instead of to Twitter. A competent president probably wouldn't type random noun phrases in all caps while he or she tweeted on the toilet either. But that's just a quibble.

The Art of the Fail

GOP House. GOP Senate. GOP "President." Eight years of whining and criticizing and blaming and grandstanding in which they had ridiculously abundant time to craft viable, bipartisan legislation to replace the whipping-boy Affordable Care Act that their hatred for has nothing to do with the fact that Barack Obama is black nope nothing at all.

Instead they sat on their whiny, incapable hands for eight years and in the 26 days between their dear leader declaring that "nobody knew that health care could be so complicated" and today's GOP-controlled Art-of-the-Deal flaccidly-aborted-at-the-last-minute non-vote, they hastily cobbled together a criminally and intellectually and morally incompetent replacement proposal whose most celebrated feature was that it used less paper than the Affordable Care Act did.

THEY FAILED. CATASTROPHICALLY. AT THE ASTRONOMICAL EXPENSE OF OUR CONFIDENCE AND OUR RESPECT AND OUR TAX DOLLARS. They wasted almost a decade of time and resources and money and bipartisan goodwill and public trust whining impotently about how (they barbarically hoped and prayed) the Affordable Care Act was failing and solemnly lying that they were going to "fix" it.

And our petulant, inarticulate man-boy president immediately -- IMMEDIATELY! -- blamed the Democrats for his controlling party's catastrophic failures today and dismissed this entire colossal waste of time and money and potentially lives as an inchoately threatening lesson in "a lot about loyalty."

He's been an Art of the Failure at almost everything he's done in his pampered, self-aggrandizing life. And now he's dragging our entire country down his narcissistic, intellectually bankrupt rabbit hole with him. And there's very little of consequence we can do but wait until he uses his favorite big-boy word and implodes. And it's looking to be an excruciatingly long, painfully slow self-immolation.

Whining about rudeness

Projection? Duh. Distraction? Duh. A tacit admission that he has neither the foundational knowledge nor the intellectual firepower to coherently address anything more complicated than an envelope?

Sadly, horrifyingly, rudely duh

.

Insurance and incompetence in a bro hat

Take a Valium and then read the article here

So there's a vicious, defamatory, hopefully humiliating story circulating about how Paul Ryan (as in Speaker of the House Paul Ryan who not too long ago had glamour shots taken of himself curling Barbie weights with his skinny arms and saggy workout costume and backward bro hat as illustrated in the photo below) made a huge PowerPoint presentation today (where he'd done research and used his economics-major training to form his thesis and taken the time to make slides and charts and graphs and presumably practiced beforehand in the mirror before his child tied his tie for him) where he used a chart with infection red for sick people who leech the economy into catastrophic typhoid implosion and blue-blood blue for non-sick people who are forced against their will to not be sick but still bear the crippling financial burden of having their already-paid insurance money pay for all those infection-red leeches who selfishly choose to be sick to explain point-by-unwavering-point how he (presiding United States Speaker of the House Paul Davis Ryan Jr. who has bachelor's degrees in economics and political science from Miami University and who is proudly called the Republican party's "Great Wonk" presumably for his vast and detailed understanding of even the most obscure details of national policy and economics) quite literally and unquestionably does not -- does NOT -- understand the rudimentary financial elements of health insurance.

In non-Jakebabble: Paul Ryan today (admirably) explained exactly how insurance works ... as his argument for how insurance doesn't work.

No, really. In his desperate, not-partisan-at-all effort to discredit the entire Affordable Care Act, he twisted the space-time continuum, mathematically eliminated the entire collective history of global economic learning, and used the very existence of something as immutable proof that it didn't exist.

Either he's actually too stupid and lazy to know how insurance works or he's engaging in intentionally deceptive demagoguery -- elaborately premeditated lying, actually -- to manipulate other people who are too stupid and lazy to know how insurance works.

And just in case you've forgotten: Paul Ryan and his family get free healthcare. Which may be the reason he's not too caught up on the nuts and bolts of insurance the way we commonfolk are.

AND BEFORE I FORGET: Here's Paul Ryan in his saggy workout costume and backward bro hat. Please do not laugh at him derisively. The poor man doesn't understand insurance, much less how not to look like a gym douchebag.

Sean Spicer is not aware anywhere

You're the PRESS SECRETARY. It's your job to NOT be "not aware" about major current events that you know damn well you'll be asked about when you actively invite questions from the PRESS at your own PRESS CONFERENCE.

It's almost like you don't know how to do your job. Or you're hiding something. Or you don't know how to do your job of hiding something convincingly. I'm gonna go with option 4: You're just here for the free healthcare.

Make yourself more aware than Sean Spicer here