Thank you for taking my call

Meghna Chakrabarti was NOT in the mood to let morons derail today's Hong Kong protests/China trade war On Point discussions, and when the Florida idiot called in and immediately bleated "Jeffrey Epstein is alive. Pizzagate is ..." she shut him off HAAAAARD.

I think I'm in love.

Really, Amazon Prime Video?

The entire batshit-crazypants Left Behind trilogy is free in your catalog but Can’t Stop the Music is $3.99?

Is it because I finally blocked all the fox “news” channels tonight?

I fucking hate this racist man-boy shithole

Flashback Wednesday: Sheer, Abject Terror Edition

"Rappel down the side of a 31-story building," I said. "It'll be fun," I said. "Plus it'll give me an interesting story to tell everyone," I said.

"Just lean back off the roof and hold onto these alarmingly tiny ropes that we guarantee won't snap and send you plummeting to your death," they said. "Look around and enjoy the view that very few people get to see," they said. "Keep yourself horizontal to the building," they said.

"STOP SHAKING YOUR DAMN LEGS. YOU LOOK LIKE A LOW-RENT ELVIS IMPERSONATOR," they said. "GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER OR WE WON'T LET YOU RAPPEL," they said.

"I've taken the training and paid the money and I'm not giving up now," I said. "I won't look down at the pavement where I could easily splat and die in abject terror," I said. "I won't look down at the pavement where I could easily splat and die in abject terror," I said. "I won't look down at the pavement where I could easily splat and die in abject terror," I said.

"Here I go, shakes and terror and all," I said.

"Holy shit I hate this I hate this I hate this eyes on the ropes squeeze your hands hard don't look down don't look down to hell with looking around at the view I hate this I hate this I hate this is it over yet," I said.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee," I said.

Yes, I literally made the noise "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" all the way down the building.

"I'M BACK ON SOLID GROUND AND IT'S FINALLY OVER," I said. "I AM NEVER NEVER NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN," I said. "I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO FUCKING SCARED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE," I said.

"I NEED ALCOHOL," I said.

Yes, I really said "I NEED ALCOHOL" because I was still shaking in my legs and tummy and though I've barely had any alcohol in my life and I had no idea what an entire drink would do to me, I WANTED SOME DAMN ALCOHOL.

"I'll have a Tom Collins," I said to the waiter. Because someone recommended it and it sounded interesting.

I drank my Tom Collins, still shaking in my legs and tummy. And it was GOOD.

The end.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Things isn't things

It's terrifying that this actually IS totally normal

This cartoon is insane

Operation Desert Stormy

Remember this two-seconds-of-fame trainwreck?

Apparently she’s still desperately clinging to relevance among the anti-vaccination crowd, bless her little boobs. I love how her scientifically based arguments here derail from “Do you even know FOR A FACT ...” to “I’m pretty positive ...” in just two incoherent sentences.

I ask you, whom would you trust: teams of scientists across multiple disciplines doing over a century of research in labs and controlled studies around the world or Tila reading misspelled conspiracy theory sites on her phone in the TJ Maxx employee break room?

How to proove you’re an idiot in two vowels

I’m quittin’ women, that’s fer sher

But I wish the whole world could quit you, Chuck.

go bc I hv

It's grotesque enough that man-boy will be violating my hometown with his simpleton drooling this week, but doddering old Chuck here bragging that he'll miss the cretinfest by spinning his lazy dereliction into an I-showed-up-so-I-get-a-trophy gold star at least lessens the invasion of catastrophic political failures by one.