I seem to be having a bit of a bipolar depressive episode today

I’m functional enough that I’m at work, but I’m dysfunctional enough that I. CAN’T. FUCKING. SIT. STILL. Being bipolar is weird.

Plus my boyfriend won’t even talk to me.

Flashback Friday: Big Gay Disco Pants Edition

Big gay cruises = big gay costumed dance parties

I don’t miss the cruises, but I’m deeply sorry I returned those pants to my possibly gay neighbor's disco-pants library.

It’s no cringingly-tone-deaf-look-we-made-a-W-instead-of-paying-a-living-wage fast-food stunt ...

but I did wear bright red shoes to work in recognition of International Women’s Day.

Hi, Jake

My name’s Jake, I’m 49, and I wear Abercrombie & Fitch without express written permission from the Gurl You’re Too Old For That Council.

Plus there were too many judgey people in the gym this morning for me to take a proper Thankfully Productive Arm Day selfie so I had to use a mirror I found in a tanning room.

Oh, Dana. Dana, Dana, Dana.

Bless your heart.

The 2018 Follies company

I’m the Evita in the back row.

Get your tickets here!

Mannequin selfies

It’s why I’m late to rehearsal.

Ah, the modern Republican Party!

#HowToTurn50

Book your Big Birthday Broadway Blowout Billion-Bucks Bash Bonanza—and pack your tap shoes for another bucket-list class at the Broadway Dance Center!

Gah!

I just accidentally saw clips of The Bachelor’s totally-real-not-at-all-manufactured-seeds-of-a-healthy-straight-white-people-only-marriage-scandal-SCANDAL-SCANDAL! finale.

Now I’m afraid I’m going to catch stupid. Or heterosexual. Or droopy St. Bernard face.

Tap rehearsal!

With pink objets d'art to keep it real, yo.

Come watch me tap "I Can Do That" in Follies on March 24 and 25! Whether I rock it or fall on my face, you'll totally get your money's worth.

Get your tickets HERE!

Iowa stuff, yo

wearborn.com, yo

#same

I think yesterday’s diluvian rains and mounds of slush and disruptive power outages are finally behind us

Today’s forecast probably calls for tornadoes, blizzards and crocuses blooming in the warm, nourishing sun.

It has come to my attention that today is National Grammar Day

Thankfully, the name has been shortened from the National Violent, Racist Grammar Day that was established in the bygone era of this venerable primer that up with which my mom grew.

Tomi is a lazy drag queen’s name

Still a smarter way than dotard would do it

#WeirdStuffICollectOnMyPhone

Oh, nothing

Just sitting on a panel of judges draconianly judging the team names and uniforms for two separate middle-school and high-school dodgeball tournaments, and no doubt destroying uncountable spirits, hopes and dreams along the way. I am DRUNK! WITH! POWER!

How’s YOUR pathetically-meaningless-by-comparison Saturday morning?

Bridget’s look-at-the-camera selfie-with-Jake game isn’t very strong today

Or ever.