Red things I have successfully watered

It’s no cringingly-tone-deaf-look-we-made-a-W-instead-of-paying-a-living-wage fast-food stunt ...

but I did wear bright red shoes to work in recognition of International Women’s Day.

Design. Composition. Tone. Form. Symmetry. Balance. More red.

Remember to wear red on International Women's Day today so your wives have a difficult color that doesn't sort easily into any color category when they do your laundry.

Or do it to stand in solidarity with the underappreciated half of our population that manages our households, gives birth to our children, dances backward in heels, puts up with or hopefully fights back against pussy-grabbing pieces of shit, does equal work for less pay, wholly constitutes the upper percentages of my favorite bosses I've ever worked for, overwhelmingly kicks my ass at marathons and will probably kick yours, and, yes, are the people most likely to worry about your red shirts bleeding all over everything in the laundry.

Hint: Pick the second option. And wear red today.