Throwback Wednesday: Old And Dysmorphic Edition

When you’re feeling old and invisible at your Pumped-Up Unabridged Encyclopedia of Hotness Gym, instead of working out, do something actually productive and emotionally healthy: Re-post a pic of yourself and your shirtless shoulders and your saucy instep from a long-ago gay cruise.

Flashback Friday: Proto Tattoo Edition

Here's my big-ass shoulder tattoo back when it was a henna prototype going through my rigorous R&D testing:

Fun fact: Henna tattoos last a good long time, unless you spend that time being boiled alive in a hot tub on a gay cruise. Then they quickly fade to a smeary bruisey purpley brown, which lingers for about 48 unattractive hours before they mercifully disappear.

Flashback Friday: Big Gay Disco Pants Edition

Big gay cruises = big gay costumed dance parties

I don’t miss the cruises, but I’m deeply sorry I returned those pants to my possibly gay neighbor's disco-pants library.

Flashback Friday: Saucy Ankle Edition

The 2008 Atlantis Freedom Cruise -- a gay cruise where we were all held hostage in a zero-carb, all-Speedo environment for a week on a ship ironically named Freedom of the Seas -- included the opportunity to fake surf and for-real wipe out no matter how hard you hold on in front of a line of impatient guys who really want you to wipe out soon so they get a chance to try it. I remember this FlowRider -- yes, that's the name -- experience to be both totally fun and totally not worth it, given the wait-in-line-time-vs-the-time-it-takes-to-wipe-out ratio.

But I sure did have a saucy ankle back then.