1) Socks. Really. My gym socks all have holes in the toes and droopy-ass elastic around the tops. And as my office gets less and less business casual and more and more plain-old casual, I find I need more dark cottony socks that look good with jeans and funky shoes. Aren't you glad you know this?
2) A new frying pan. I'm nobody's cook, but I make lots of egg-white omelets—and I've managed to scrape off the vast majority of the non-stick stuff in my only pan. So I need a new one.
3) A new cake pan. Not that I make cakes much at all, but the pan I have—a metal one that my grandmother had filled with baked goodness almost weekly from the 1950s until she died in the 1980s—is starting to leech off a metallic taste into everything baked in it. The thing is 50 years old. It's time.
4) A bigger condo with a washer and dryer and a second bedroom and a balcony. But I want to pick it out, so don't get me one.
5) A boyfriend. I'm partial to blonds, but that's not a requirement. Again, I'd rather pick mine out—if you don't mind—so don't get me one.
And that's about it. Except for one more thing. I want to make sure each and every one of you, my beloved readers, takes a moment to enjoy this:
6 comments:
I wonder what KITT would have to say about that pic.
Why resist it any longer, Jake? Love you. Love your work. Keep making me laugh outta my asshole!
My holiday season is complete now that I've been greeted by the Hoff.
I hear Sears has a special on for the holidays: Buy any of their name brand 2 or 3 bedroom condos, and they'll throw in a boyfriend for free. PLUS, if you use your Sears card, you don't pay until 2006.
socks are # 1? lol......
you are a dork jake, but so am i, and i'm blond.
And a Scary Christmas to you too, Jake.
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