So Mom made it in yesterday to mother me through tomorrow's LASIK surgery, and we spent last night watching our first-and-last-ever episode of American Idol. What a friggin' stupid show! That fat, hairy Simon takes out all his too-repellent-to-get-laid frustration -- with a marked absence of wit or creativity or any remotely constructive feedback -- on everyone who shows up to audition, and then he's apparently too stupid to comprehend why people get mad at him. I understand there's a need for drama and conflict to make the show interesting, but his sophomoric attempts at insult humor would give any fledgling television writer a failing grade and a fast-track path to a career involving frequent use of the question "Do you want fries with that?"

And Simon, if you (know how to read and) are reading this, you are allowed to tell people "You have the worst voice I have ever heard" exactly once before you start to exponentially undermine what little credibility you have as a judge of talent.

After our disappointing evening of television watching, Mom came to work with me this morning to check out my cool new office and to spend the day shopping up and down Michigan Avenue. She also stopped by for lunch with me and a bunch of co-workers, who went out of their way to make her think they like me (thanks, guys!), so the charade continues uninterrupted. Mom's afternoon shopping exploits took her to Hot Tix, where she managed to score two awesome seats to Hairspray tonight. (The seats weren't as awesome as the fifth-row-center ones I got the week before, but the show was as spectacular as ever.)

Now I'm off to bed to rest up for tomorrow's surgery. It's my last night as a myopic, astigmatic show-tune aficionado. Woo-hoo!