And they're off

I have clearly reached that Certain Age where my entire Facebook feed is filled with first-day-of-school pictures of my friends' kids -- or, thanks to the all-ages relationships one forms in the theater world, of kids I consider to be my friends. So happy first day of school, everyone! I hope this school year is a wonderful one for you, and I sincerely hope they learn you good.

That I can tell you

Pro tip: Use pink and glitter if you're gay

Today's moment of pure, ridiculous joy: Kristin Chenoweth sings "Veronique"

You want to know what brings me pure ridiculous joy on the stage, in my car and dans le rue? THIS does. This gorgeous, inspired, culturally literate, perfect little theatrical montage of brilliantly silly ridiculousness from Betty Comden, Adolph Green and Cy Coleman's brilliantly silly -- and just plain brilliant -- musical On the Twentieth Century.

From the virtuosic coloratura runs to the not-having-sexual innuendo of "she close the door/and start the Franco-Prussian War," this piece is The. Perfect. (Non. Sondheim.) Showtune.

And I may or may not have listened to it on repeat for two hours last night as I folded a towering mountain of laundry.

Watch and listen. Because it WILL be on the test.

This is literally my favorite thing on the Internet right now

Still not ready for prime time

Is Scott Baio's understudy still on TV trying to spin his failure at healthcare reform into a foolproof guarantee of tax reform or has he finally moved on to leg day?

I've been folding laundry and listening to show tunes all night and I just wanted to know if it's sane -- er, safe -- enough to turn the TV on again.

One script, five highlighter color choices

Total eclipse of the dumb

"That's awfully bright, Bart. I mean Barron."

You can't be racist if you can't see colors anymore.

If you can't look at the eclipse, at least look rakishly handsome

These glasses make it impossible to see the camera and take a proper selfie. And these clouds make impossible to see the damn eclipse.

Sploosh

I just managed to spill my protein shake all down my front, on my seat belt, in my lap, on the steering wheel, in my cup holder, in my stick shift well, down the side of my seat, and deep in the crevices of my emergency break. My car is going to STINK on the next hot day.

DAMN YOU, ECLIPSE!

Do you like the shirt I totally randomly picked to wear on this totally random day?

The color is a sunny orange-yellow that's partially eclipsed by shadowy blue-gray stripes. It's most certainly not a metaphor for anything and I certainly would never wear an abstractly themed shirt to match the events of -- again -- a totally random day, not that those things are even considerations for anything. I just like this shirt.

Also: I'm partially eclipsing the sunny orange-yellow wall behind me in this selfie. Which is just a totally random observation. Enjoy your totally random day. I know I will. Because I like the totally random shirt I'm wearing.

It's today! Get ready!

For the memes, I mean.

Grammar trivia:

A gazebo of racists is called a "coward."

Back to my long-neglected bed

I've been sleeping on the couch next to my mom as she slept in a recliner recovering from shoulder surgery since July 3. But she's finally been given the all-clear to sleep in her bed again, so I'm finally returning to mine ... which has been slowly buried under a mountain of clean laundry that I didn't feel in a rush to fold over the last seven weeks. And instead of folding it now, I naturally just pushed it to one side of my bed and photographed it to post on my blog.

And yes, that's a new space kitty T-shirt from Walmart at the foot of the pile and do not judge because I'm sure there are plenty of weird hobbies you have that are keeping you single at 49 too.

3.37 miles right out of the gate!

So I've run this route that I mapped only in my head more times than I can remember, and I somehow convinced my lyin', gullible self that it was just under four miles. Now that NikePlus has humiliatingly debunked that once-sacred historical lie, at least I finally know I wasn't TOO off.

(And don't tell this to anyone I've implied to that I've been training outside, but this technically was my first run where I actually propelled myself through time and space on actual pavement; all my training so far this summer has been on an elliptical machine. I don't know why. It's just what I've been doing.)

Anyway, I just ran 3.37 miles at a 12:08 pace. Without stopping, which I don't normally count as good or bad since I've trained for all my half and full marathons with the Jeff Galloway run/walk training method. But for a first actual run I choose to see it as a good thing, seeing as how I'm running a 10K in two weeks. ACK!

#History

#Memes

#VilePuns

#BadPunctuation

#StillKindaFunny

Why I had a good day

1. I took a big ol' nap at noon
2. Cherry Diet Coke
3. I went to a big outdoor dog party with some friends
4. And some dogs
5. Dog selfies
6. Peanut butter and jelly
7. More Cherry Diet Coke
8. I saw a brilliant play called Constellations that was directed by a brilliant friend and that starred a brilliant friend
9. I picked up my One Man, Two Guvnors script while I was there and I am SO EXCITED
10. I totally pulled off a striped shirt with swordfish shorts

Heel never learn to spell

#Spelling
#HeelHitler
#HeelSpurs
#Leadership
#Presidenting
#Competency

Our dogs are STILL not tired

Bridget joined two Chicago friends and their dog and me what the heck one other bonus dog this afternoon for Barks & Brew, a dog-party-in-the-park where there were SO! MANY! OTHER! DOGS! TO! SNIFF!

IN! THE! BUTT!

We learned the hard way that three-men-and-three-dog selfies are as impossible to take as a trump presidency, but I tried ... um ... doggedly and partially successfully to get a three-man shot in front of a Where the Wild Things Are mural and after 97 tries I got a three-dog-and-me-in-my-Snoopy-shirt shot in the car on the way home. And that's the leash I could do to commemorate our day.