Thursday, January 27, 2005

Uncle Jake in Iowa

The first 24 hours have been nothing but fun:

* The Snowperson Mall. My nephew's kindergarten teacher had invited assorted parents, volunteers and homosexual uncles from Chicago to come help the kids purchase the materials they needed to build custom snowpersons this afternoon. Each kid was given fifteen cents and set loose amid a sea of tables hawking such wares as popsicle sticks, flattened bottlecaps, ribbons, macaroni pieces and plastic forks -- all a penny apiece. I was the proprieter of the shop selling feathers, buttons and felt letters of the alphabet. And our little shoppers were incredibly well-behaved as they agonized over crucial decisions like pink vs. red feathers, budgeted their assets and made their purchases. Except for one boy who was QUITE upset with me for running the shop that took his last penny and thus ending his extravagant spending spree.

* My sister's boneless, co-dependant kitty. Remember Lucy? My sister got her for her birthday last June. She's now a full-grown cat, and my hyperkinetic destructo-niece has transformed her from a docile, lap-craving sack of fur to a cowering, corner-dwelling, talk-to-the-paw husk of her former self who still craves attention but fears (rightfully so) enduring any more Hugs Of Death.

* My old stomping grounds. Yesterday afternoon I stopped by the theater where I did shows for 10 years before moving to Chicago, and I had a lovely visit with old friends like Margaret, Amanda and Richard. And I ate WAY too many Hershey's Kisses. Urp.

* Melting my cold, black heart. We asked my nephew last night if it would be OK if Uncle Jake slept on his bottom bunk, and the look on his face -- as though SANTA CLAUS had just appeared in a BASKETBALL OUTFIT on a FIRE TRUCK carrying a GIANT RACE CAR -- just melted me. Melt. Ed. Me.

Now we're off to my niece's music class. Stay tuned for details of more adventures ...

9 comments:

windreader said...

naughty naughty - what good is it to have the nasty sucked out if you are just going to eat enough chocolate to put new nasty in it's place. hugs (no kisses) the calorie Nazi.

J. said...

"cold black heart" is my line, bitch.

and you just go ahead and eat all the hershey kisses you want. Just be sure to dip them in chunky peanut butter and wrap them in pepperoni toasted with butter first.

Bernard Bradshaw said...

Is there an old beau for you to grope (or fuck) in Iowa?

Bernard Bradshaw
Sex and the Second City

Tuna Girl said...

Awww. My kids need a homosexual uncle from the big city. Their straight uncle from the suburbs just isn't cutting it.

I'm glad you're having fun, Uncle Jake!

Todd said...

"a ...talk-to-the-paw husk of her former self..."

Jake, you make me laugh. Indeed, I laughed out loud at that one. Thanks!

Have a great weekend!

Steve said...

"Is there an old beau for you to grope (or f**k) in Iowa?"

Oh, my ... do people DO that in Iowa??
Clutch the pearls ...

David said...

Bottom bunk. I KNEW it!

Ms Bees Knees said...

My Auntie Carol and her life partner Nadene used to spoil me rotten. Gay relatives are the best!

Jeff said...

Geez...with every post I'm wondering, "Why is this man still single?"

You are just too cute...