Friday, January 21, 2005

January adventures

1) I cooked dinner for The Cuddler last night. And I didn’t burn it. (The funny thing is he actually watched me cook—with great intensity—as though I knew what I was doing and he might learn something. The joke’s on him, though; I can make exactly three things—all of which usually turn out dry and tasteless—and he’ll get nothing but disappointment if he’s looking to me for a culinary education.) After dinner, he indulged me in my newest obsession: an hour on the couch wrapped—BONUS!—in each other’s arms watching CSI. So you can tell right there he’s good people.

2) I’ve seen some amazing stuff on stage in the last few days. Last week Eric and I got comp tickets to see Dance Chicago, a festival of the best work by the best companies in the city. I am now madly in love with Melissa Thodos & Dancers, especially their works choreographed by Paul Christiano, who uses bodies both as props and as instruments of expression—all with a bold, breathtaking synergy of kinetic energy and poetry. The show also featured some kick-ass, bone-rattling, pound-the-floorboards tap by M.A.D.D. Rhythms. Tap rocks. Especially the way this group does it.

Then this week Matt and I saw All Shook Up, a cheesy musical working its way to Broadway next month. A blatant ripoff of the Mama Mia! format—a silly story written to string together a canon of unrelated songs by one artist (in this case, Elvis instead of ABBA)—the show is eminently predictable, sillier than most but a whole lot of fun. And it features some fabulous sets and powerhouse singing, especially from this handsome fella, whose golden voice is eclipsed only by the piercing beauty of his eyes.

3) I take off Wednesday morning for five days in Iowa with my family. On the docket for this visit: spending a day with my nephew’s kindergarten class, watching my niece’s hit-buckets-with-spoons music class, hours and hours of canasta with any available adult, quality lap time with either of two very friendly kittens, Mom’s home cooking (which, unlike mine, has actual flavor), and a stop at my favorite grocery store (what kind of freak has a favorite grocery store?) on the way home to stock up on milk that costs less than $4 a gallon.

4) The lipo is healing better than I’d expected. I’m happy with the results as they are now, and my doctor says there’s still two more months for the “considerable” swelling to go down. So my waist is only going to get smaller. (But I’m not breaking out the International Male catalogs until I know just what my new measurements will be.) I consider myself fully healed, save for a tiny bit of tightness and some residual numbness around my midsection, and I’m working out at about 90% intensity. The best part: My sad little butt looks almost … butt-like now that it’s not hidden under a gooey pile of love handles.

5) I’m choreographing some numbers for a drag show (January 29 around 8 pm at Hydrate, if you want to go) that’s a fund-raiser for the Chicago Spirit Brigade. My dancers are working their butts off and looking pretty fierce—and the go-go boys backing up one of the numbers are smokin’ hot. And I can make them do whatever touching-each-other-in-sexual-ways things touching-each-other-in-sexual-ways things I want because I am the all-powerful choreographer! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

6) I just wrote my name in the snow.

18 comments:

Homer said...

I think most bloggers get hate mail eventually- I've had three emails that I can think of that upset me.

Maybe I should have had lipo with my hernia surgery. I wonder what they do with the fat they extract?

Dantallion said...

The people who have such a big stinking problem with the lipo are either jealous that you can afford it, or need justification for why they don't look good in a bathing suit. I can understand someone saying: "I wouldn't do it - it's not for me". But attacking someone else for doing it? They need to take other peoples lives just a tad less seriously. And maybe get one of their own.

As for 1 thru 6: Good on you. Enjoy. (But don't do # 6 too often. Yellow snow is just wrong.)

TheBrad said...

Eh, you know what I always say: Fuck 'em if they can't take a Jake.

Anti-Domestic Violence and Abuse said...

eh, pay the haters no mind.

I respect your openness and how candid you are with your readers by discussing your decision to have lipo. Sharing your experience with your readers only reinforces that you're secure and confident. IMO, there's nothing wrong with what you did, you can do whatever you want!! It's your life! To me, someone getting lipo is no different in substance to someone deciding to dye their hair or whiten their teeth.

Besisdes, there's millions of fat people who walk around every day getting fatter, but you, on the other hand, are doing something to better yourself, and for that you should not be ridiculed.

Congrats on your new waistline! :)

Jeff said...

Thank god you're getting hate mail. I'd hate to think your life is ALL peaches and cream. ;) And that would be boring to read about...
Speaking of which, I want whatever it is that has made you especially blog-a-licious lately. Lots of good stuff you've been cranking out but you'll always be the "king of poop" in my eyes...

Derek said...

I still don’t get the big deal about you getting liposuction. It’s not something that I can see myself doing (though never say never) I wouldn’t judge anyone for it. By the way, someone was wondering in the last comments what they do with the fat they extract . . . Now I’m curious. Did you get to keep it? That would be a date ender for sure. “Wanna see what they sucked out of my body? Look! Go ahead and touch it if you like! It’s squshy.”

Anyway I think your blog is a fun read as do others from what I can gather. I guess part of what makes it an interesting read to me would set other people off. Oh well. These people need lives.

I’ve never been the recipient of any hate mail based on my blog however I lock most of my better entries from all but a few people (Livejournal is cool that way) and most of those people either share my opinions or they tolerate them ;-)

Either way, ignore them. Not everyone can be one of your fans. ;-)

Jake said...

Jeff: So I'm the blog-a-licious king of poop. Um ... I guess there are worse titles to have. (I wonder if I can get that on my business cards.)

Derek: I forgot to ask about what happens to the fat all three times I met with the doctor, but I'm insanely curious. My next checkup is in mid-March, and I PROMISE I'll ask then -- and post what I find out right here.

Erick said...

With people like that---you know one just has to rise above it. I always think that those kinds of people are jealous of people's light. They see it as a kind of treat to their misery. With your good writing and good looks---if I may say so, you are a prime target for all these clown who cannot and will not enjoy any light in their lives-----fuck 'em.

Erick said...

Sorry for spelling and grammical errors. I lost my glasses and I'm sitting 2 inches from the screen!

windreader said...

well, I broke down and started a (non-bogus) blogger account just so that I could leave you comments. nice ones. I have been reading your blog for a while and completely enjoy it. sometimes I am shocked (and awed) at what you have the balls to post - and wish that I might be able to do likewise should the need arise. and while I thought the little tummy was kinda cute - I can see why maybe you would not. it's your life!

no milk said...

i think they are gone now :)

i quoted this!

Bill said...

Jake, It's unfair that I know things about you, while you know nothing about most people who write comments (including me). I found your site last summer while doing a search on running a marathon, I'm shooting for next Sept/Oct. Your notes on your training and feelings about it solidified my decision to run one myself.
I've found myself hooked on your blog over the past several months, your humor is terrific. Who knows, maybe I'll run into you over Memorial Day Weekend.
Thanks for your letting us in on your surgery, I'm sure it wasn't taken lightly, and there are damn few who haven't considered it...

ihatehydro said...

Well, some of us DO appreciate your candid musings. As a matter of fact, I need advice. How the hell do you guys keep warm AND wear a suit to work? I’m going up there the week after next for an interview but I have no clue what to wear!!!!! I have a suit but no coat.

Bearing in mind that I’m coming from Georgia- not exactly the fashion capital of the world, what kind of coat should I buy?

Say hi to “the cuddler” (that sounds like a bad country-western song).

Regards

Jase said...

Haters - pay them no mind.

Hehehe.. choreographing is great.

Mark said...

I think they're just jealous that they didn't get to wear stick-on underpants. I can't wondering, however, if stick-on underpants will turn into the latest trend to sweep the nation.

Stay warm!

Coffee Dog said...

Quote "If my benign, amateurish blog is so profoundly offensive to you, stop reading it. DUH"

Yeah I don't get that either. I have a fan that comes to my harmless blog from time to time trying to blast me. I just ignore that twit. There are bigger fish to fry than me...I just don't get it.

Hope your surgery healing goes well, sounds like it is! If I could afford a tip or a tuck, I'd get it too...more power to ya.

The Renegade said...

hi, i wandered in from nomilk's blog. just letting you know, from one hated blogger to [apparently] another--you haven't really made it as a blogger until you get hate mails for something that had nothing to do with your audience in the first place.

good luck in the future!

Indri said...

One of my dearest friends has had a couple of rounds of lipo. She didn't tell me about the first one until after she'd had it done because she was afraid I would be upset with her...when she told me that, I realized that I totally needed to rethink what kind of friend I was being to her, that she didn't feel safe about that.

Anyway. She's so happy with the results, and it's changing her whole self-image to have a waist again. Shows off how stacked she was to begin with...her new, much younger girlfriend likes it too :)

Good luck, and continue to heal well!