LASIK CLUSTERFUCK

So I left the house this morning in plenty of time to get to my LASIK appointment, but an odd convergence of weirdness and stupidity prevented me from getting there:

1) When I entered my Zip code in the LASIK doctor's Web site, I was taken directly to a page with a poorly-labeled map and what turned out to be unhelpful directions to a faraway branch that isn't even open yet. (Go ahead -- enter 60640 on the home page and the "locations" page and see for yourself. I'm not sure that the city of Riverwoods even exists.)

2) The AAA map in my glove compartment kind-of matched up with the map from the Web site, but the 94/294 intersection that both maps promised would be there simply doesn't exist.

3) The informational signs on 94 (also called The Edens just to further confuse those of us prone to be lost) are few and faaaaaar between.

So $1.00 in tolls, a quarter of a tank of gas and a wasted morning later, I still haven't had my eye appointment. Grrrrrrrr.