I am 10 months pop-free today

Granted, I’m not over the ambrosial fizziness of bubbly beverages so I’m now living with a three-can-a-day addiction to sparkling water—which is the quién-es-más-macho equivalent of saying I’m living with a three-rainbow-a-day addiction to majestic unicorns—but I’ve successfully broken free from the bonds of pop’s unpronounceable-chemicals elixir soup. And for that I toast myself with my first icy cold can of cherry bubly for the day. ¡Salud! I mean ¡Princess Sparklepony Unicorn!

Happy World Pride Weekend, gurls! (snap!)

My co-workers might be starting to suspect I’m gay

Also: My birthday doughnuts had rainbow sprinkles. But the doughnuts from my plate are all gone. I might need to go to the kitchen to get more.

Tree what I did there?

So this time it was Scott’s turn to blow off our morning run—which was SO AWESOME and it’s TOO BAD HE MISSED IT because we RODE MAGICAL UNICORNS THE WHOLE WAY as we FEASTED ON THE AMBROSIA OF THE GODS and OTHER FANCIFUL STUFF—so Rob and I replaced him—and PUT HIM IN THE MIDDLE YOU’RE WELCOME—with this scraggly-ass tree for our post-run selfie, but the tree ended up looking pretty lush and majestic in the photo which is totally my fault because of my prodigious and intimidating photography talents don’t blame me I can’t help it.

In the course of our small talk as Rob and I were rocking our 10:56 pace though, I stumbled on what I think is an awesome idea for a submission to Theatre Cedar Rapids’ Underground New Play Festival. I’ve wanted to enter something for the competition, but I had no idea what to write about and I also have zero experience writing things that come from just my imagination; everything I’ve ever written has at the very least had its foundation in describing or reporting on something that already exists. Plus Rob—who has written countless and brilliant plays ONE OF WHICH WAS TURNED INTO A BIG HOLLYWOOD MOVIE WITH BIG HOLLYWOOD STARS—thinks my idea is a good one. Which gives me huge amounts of confidence that I can do this ... and hopefully do it well. So WATCH OUT HOLLYWOOD I’M COMING TO DOMINATE YOU and I’m RIDING A MAGICAL UNICORN THE WHOLE WAY.

Pro tip:

If you know where to look, the Internet is practically tuft-upholstered in sumptuously detailed scorched-earth rainbow unicorn paintings starring betophatted cats ensconced gallantly on their noble annihilative steeds.