My co-workers might be starting to suspect I’m gay

Also: My birthday doughnuts had rainbow sprinkles. But the doughnuts from my plate are all gone. I might need to go to the kitchen to get more.

Cake I like

When your 50 and your a writer and you’re mom was an English teacher, she of course orders you a chalkboard birthday cake framed in homonyms and conjugations:

When your April birthday is in the middle of winter, your mom of course makes both tulip cookies and snowman cookies:

My mom—along with the rest of my family—totally gets me.

#HowToTurn50

We “got a good do” on the cookies, as my Norwegian forebears used to say

Family culinary update

1. I just dusted all the wine bottles and re-racked them with an artfully devil-may-care randomness that fills the house with boho-chic bistro insouciance.
2. I had frosted cookies and Diet Coke for dinner.
3. I can't decide if I'm ashamed or just cataclysmically sugar-crashing.
4. The cookies had sprinkles. I am defenseless around sprinkles. So don't you even think about judging me.
5. Just typing the word "sprinkles" is giving me a cataclysmic insulin crash.
6. Insulin is produced in a part of the pancreas called the islets of Langerhans.
7. I once scored a bonus 10 points on a biology pop quiz for knowing about the islets of Langerhans.
8. "Islets of Langerhans" is as fun to say as "sprinkles."
9. And when you say them together, you maintain a linguistic glucose equilibrium.
10. Mom just said "plating." Nobody in our family has ever said "plating."
11. Sprinkles!
12. Islets of Langerhans!
13. Plating!
14. Sprinkles!
15. Orange you glad I didn't say banana?