The hottest guy in the gym just dug a Richter-scale booger out of his nose in front of me

Which totally knocks him off the top spot, and if I can score well in the cha-cha I can probably improve my ranking on the leader board.

Also: I just did ten unassisted triceps dips. That technically triples my advantage over Booger Boy.

Dumbass bird flirting in 12 easy steps:

1. Throw selves against window
2. Leave smears of bird snot all over everything
3. Pretend not to see each other
4. Look at each other without getting caught
5. Move closer
6. DON’T GET CAUGHT LOOKING
7. Maybe pretend to be examining the snot or something
8. Move closer
9. Post selfie saying “Feeling cute IDK might rub some more snot all over this window LOL”
10. Move closer
11. Finally get caught looking
12. NOW WHAT? Don’t ask me—I can’t even flirt with a human without somehow embarrassing myself

How to make congealed product snot. And prevent blemishes for free!

1. I didn't know hair-product containers could melt into deformed shapes in your Dopp kit in your gym bag in your hot car.
2. Only gay men say "product."
3. Only gay men and men over 70 say "Dopp kit."
4. I now know that hair-product containers that melt in your Dopp kit in your gym bag in your hot car leak melty hair product all over everything in your Dopp kit.
5. Then it congeals into snot-like grossness.
6. Product.
7. Dopp kit.
8. Also: When someone leaves his or her (we have private showers at my gym) (or do we?) (I'll never tell) blemish control apricot scrub in the gym shower, I'm going to spend my day without the heartbreak of blemishes.
9. But my toothbrush is still gonna taste like congealed product snot.
10. Dopp kit!