"wHy cAn'T wE Do tHaT?"

1. Because it's a stupidly dangerous idea
2. Because a nuclear bomb would need to be surrounded by tons of additional air that we have no way of moving on that scale to affect just the eye of a hurricane
3. Because a hurricane's tradewinds would spread the nuclear fallout on a far more massive scale over water and land and create catastrophic environmental devastation
4. Because the idea was first presented and quickly shot down in 1959 for these very reasons
5. BECAUSE A RUDIMENTARY GOOGLE SEARCH WOULD TELL YOU THIS FASTER THAN YOU COULD SPUTTER OUT THE DUMBASS GIBBERISH IN THIS QUOTE

When the blood lady realized she forgot to fill one of her vials after she’d pulled the big scary needle out of one arm

so she had to poke a new needle in the other arm and thankfully the stretchy wrapping tape color she picked now doubly matches my questionable shirt.

Tentative diagnosis: occipital neuralgia. Which in all my discussions with my doctor and in my subsequent googling seems very plausible given the locations of my headache pain. Final diagnosis still pending ...

I thought I knew where the Angels in America angel is in Central Park, but clearly I don’t

So instead I’m commemorating my final run with a selfie in front of this gorgeous blooming tree. I’m pretty sure it’s not a cherry tree, and google isn’t offering any useful information to help me identify it. So we'll just call it gorgeous.

Also: El Camino shirt!

Well, THAT was a first

My lovely and delightful stage wife Lady Boxington and I were totally rocking the gorgeous Embassy Ball waltz at the top of Act II during today's nearly-sold-out My Fair Lady matinee just as we always do in our preternaturally eloquent grace, when out of the blue—and thankfully way in the back—we discovered that we both had feet ... then we tangled them ... then we tottered slightly off balance ... then we tottered precariously off balance ... and then we went WHAM! on the floor (see actual illustration below) in full go-big-or-go-home WHAMMING complete with flying jewelry, WHAMMING noises, inelegant grunts, looks of terrified shock, catastrophic lack of dignity, fiery humiliation, earnest assurances that we were both OK, quick-as-humiliatedly-possible standing-upping and—we hope—seamless re-integration into the choreography just in time for my favorite swingy-army part ... all literally in a matter of eight measures.

We both continue to insist that we're fine, aside from the massive subdural hematoma on my I-can-still-dance-with-all-the-grace-and-assurance-I-had-when-I-was-25 delusional ego.

And we got this commemorative actual illustration of our fall for our scrapbooks that I found by googling "people falling over." So we're choosing to chalk this up as a win.

I’m in a total work stoppage until I’m done stanching a sudden-onset massive-hemorrhage bloody nose

Or epistaxis, as the googles just told me.

Thankfully, it isn’t affecting my selfie thumb.

I apparently chipped two teeth today at lunch by somehow incorrectly using a fork

The damage seems pretty superficial and not worth a trip to the dentist, but I definitely have some sharp, rough edges on my upper and lower incisors numbers 7 and 26, assuming I’m reading the googles correctly (see chart). Nevertheless, my future clearly holds a litany of chunks accidentally bitten out of my tongue and OSHA-mandated utensil training.

I made a meme!