Tuesday, January 29, 2019

An open letter to the impending polar vortex

The insouciant, relentless glare from insolently shrill industrial lighting DOES NOBODY ANY FAVORS as we conscientiously work up one last pump at the gym so we look totally swole when they eventually find our protein-shake-clutching corpses in the Midwestern tundra. I’m wearing NOTICE! ME! ORANGE! so I’m found first and I get the best slide-out tray in the morgue cooler.

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