Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Wingnut Smackdown 2007!

Fred “I’m Extremely, Compulsively, All-Encompassingly Obsessed With Hot Man-On-Man Gay Buttex To The Point I’ve Made A Lifelong Career Of Talking About It But I’m NOT Gay” Phelps and the educated heterosexuals at his Westboro Baptist Church have announced they’re going to “preach at the memorial service of the corpulent false prophet Jerry Falwell, who spent his entire life prophesying lies and false doctrines like ‘God loves everyone.’”

Now Falwell and his followers, for all their goat-fucking retardedness, were at least focused enough to pick one doctrine and stick with it. And whether they were attacking blacks or women or gays or atheists or people living with HIV, they were most certainly NOT preaching “God loves everyone.”

So when Phelps shows up at the memorial service armed for a heady debate over biblical doctrine and the finer points of its exegesis, the resulting clash of knowledge and ideas and sheer, God-given brainpower will result in an epic explosion of … well, proof that intelligent design is as grounded in reality as a Mitt Romney campaign statement.

Delicious emotional trainwreckery aside, this little wingut smackdown may finally give the Falwell sheep a taste of how much it sucks to be so vocally hated and vilified by people who wrap their seething irrationality in a cloak of moral imperative.

Of course, being on the receiving end of such hatred and vitriol historically seems to bolster the Christian Hate Industry’s sense of self-worth. So Wingnut Smackdown 2007! may amount to nothing more than the we’re-finally-making-social-progress equivalent of Paris Hilton’s jail sentence.

In any case, Falwell’s dead, and he died alone and in pain, hopefully pooping himself in the process. It’s a fitting ending to the pain and crap he willingly inflicted on generations of blacks, women, gay people, people infected with HIV, and their families and loved ones. That he will suffer the added indignity of a Phelps protest at his memorial service is just icing on the cake.

Mmmmm … cake …

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