Thursday, September 08, 2005

Perpetuating the stereotype

10 things about me that are really, really gay:
1. I use high-end foo-foo skincare product.
2. I use the word product.
3. I regularly shave more than my face.
4. I have the perfect shoes for every occasion. With backups.
5. I’m good at catching innuendo and bad at catching a ball.
6. I’m a competent piano player and a damn good tap dancer.
7. I can find a show tune that’s relevant to pretty much any occasion.
8. And I usually know the composer, the lyricist, the original artist and at least two lines of harmony for each song.
9. I’ve gone out in public in drag. And tried to look good.
10. I’ve gone out in public in Abercrombie & Fitch. And hoped I looked good.

10 things about me that I like to think aren’t that gay:
1. For me, cooking a fancy meal involves reading instructions off a box.
2. I have no admiration for Madonna or any of her pop-princess progeny.
3. I use girlfriend only in its traditional context. And I never use mangina. (But I think munt is a pretty funny word.)
4. I’ve never been to a diva concert.
5. But I have been to an Oak Ridge Boys concert.
6. I’ve never been a drinker or a smoker or a drug user. Unless you consider ice cream a drug.
7. My coiffure is Le Salon de Supercuts. My wardrobe is La Maison de Old Navy.
8. My decorating sense is more drabulous than fabulous.
9. I’ve done seven skydives, two triathlons and (so far) one marathon. And I once threw a ball.
10. I have my own toolbox and enough handyman skills to install a faucet, replace a light switch, fix a toilet, repair drywall and reinforce a closet shelf so it can support 20 boxes of off-season shoes.

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