You know how I never have stupid medical problems like chronic running injuries or bipolar disorder or a now five-week occipital neuralgia headache? Ahem.

I mean remember how I had a suspicious mole on my wrist biopsied two months ago? Turns out it’s squamous cell carcinoma, which wouldn’t exactly be a headlining drag name. And after a month-long wait to get on his super-packed calendar (pro tip: go into dermatology if you want ironclad job security) and I’m finally at a dermatologist’s (at the cruel buttcrack of dawn) for a preliminary look at it to schedule coming back to have it removed.

SO. MANY. DOCTOR. APPOINTMENTS.