Attention, thieves:

If you want to steal my jumper cables or my ice scraper or my emergency hat and mittens, just hang out by my trunk for a while; my car is now apparently equipped with intermittent trunk locking and my trunk pops open at regular intervals without any effort on my part. It's quite efficient. Kinda like the intermittent air bag system I used to have that's now fully disabled or maybe fully enabled because my air bag light is on all the time. I don't know if that means my air bag is completely broken or completely working, but the two dashboard lights sure look pretty when they're on together. Oh -- and be sure to grab the box when you steal my jumper cables; it has the directions printed on the back and I'd hate to see you short-circuit something in your car and trip your dashboard lights so they never turn off. Because that's really ghetto.

Three very important things about tonight's final Victor/Victoria dress rehearsal

1. I got the right side of my mustache glued on totally perfect. The left side ended up kinda crooked so I took it off for this picture so I could just show you how well I did on the good side.

2. Our dressing room is a hanger GOLD MINE. Usually when you do a show you have to keep one eye on the conductor and one eye on your backstage hangers because theater people are dirty, barbarous hanger thieves who will throw your costumes on the floor and destroy every carefully organized bow tie and ruffled shirt of your pre-sets in a heartbeat if it means they can get an extra wisp of breeze to dry out their stinky wet clothes between performances. But our dressing room is literally exploding in a bountiful celebration of hangers, which means there are more than enough for everyone, which eliminates the usual petty hanger thievery that's so endemic among people inclined to break into song without warning, which gives everyone more time and more freedom to be jealous and bitter about the solos we didn't get and to maliciously hide each other' props.

3. My rainbow skateboarding Snoopy shirt is totally super-cute.