STRIKE ONE:

"Hi Jake -

Thanks for the crack at this one, but I’m afraid we aren’t going to use it.

Best,
Chris
McSweeney's Internet Tendency"

I have done it:

I've just crossed a bucket-list thing off my bucket list and submitted something to be published in McSweeney's Internet Tendency. I think my fear-sucking headache fog allowed me to finally give my personal approval to something I've been working on and then to actually send it off for McSweeney's judgment.

Next on the bucket list: Bask in the fame and fortune that comes with it being published.