LEARN FROM MY PAIN AND HUMILIATION:

When you stumble on assorted three-packs of your favorite underpants—which never go on sale for 50% off—on sale for 50% off, before you avariciously put them in your online shopping cart and order them, take a moment to make sure that the reason they’re on sale for 50% off isn’t because THEY’RE COVERED IN FEARSOME SYMBOLS OF CRUEL, GRISLY DEATH.

(Ooh, look: One pair is in a charming windowpane check!)