• Current presidents of the United States
• Microsoft Word
• The legal department that sent me a letter addressed to “MasterCard Card Cardholder”
• People who say “sandwidge”
• Current vice presidents of the United States
• The painful little running injury that travels between my right hip and my right calf
• Anyone who uses the words “one man and one woman” or “sacred institution” or “portion” (I just hate the word “portion.” It gives me a rash.)
• Keebler Chips Deluxe for being so sinfully delicious
• On a note completely unrelated to the Chips Deluxe: my slowly growing midsection
• “Lucky Star” by Madonna
• High-waisted pants
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