Three things to report.

1) No cavities. I had a dentist appointment after work. Now my teeth are shiny clean and my conscience is clear for yet another six months.

2) Deep discount Kenneth Cole. My dentist's office is in Watertower Place, so after my checkup I headed down a floor to the Marshall Field's men's department for a quick look-see. And I stumbled home with two kick-ass shirts: a $56 muscle-hugging ribbed camp shirt marked down to $6.97 and one of those gay-ass patterned dress shirts marked down from $69 to $8.97. I don't understand the precise calibrations that brought about the 97-cent suffixes on those prices, but now I can look like a status-whore fag boy without compromising my party-drug budget.

3) Wet brakes. After a November day filled with downright tropical weather, the heavens opened up while I was shopping. And when my bus reached the Foster tunnel under Lake Shore Drive, we encountered a pretty impressive flood. The cars that made it to the bottom of the exit ramp were crossing the lagoon via the sidewalk, and when our bus decided to forge ahead in the street -- amid the raucous cheers of the passengers (whose lives are obviously devoid of any legitimate excitement) -- water came gushing in under the doors. And the bus' brakes were still making ungodly groaning noises when I got off three stops later.

But I made it home safely. And after almost three hours of
I Love the '80s Strikes Back, I'm ready for bed.