Saturday, January 06, 2018

It’s alarming how charming I feel 

When you have an oven fire and you had to cut the wires to the hard-wired smoke alarm system because the smoke alarms WOULDN’T STOP SCREAMING AT YOU and the house won’t stop smelling like the contestants on Bottom Chef so you have to buy oven cleaner that chaps the life out of your hands and Lysol that barely starts to work after a day of repeated sprayings and battery-powered smoke detectors that require you to accept the challenge of capping off the electrical source though you still can’t find it and removing the hard-wired smoke detectors first which really should be done by a stable genius and did I mention how chapped my hands are and how smoke-alarming the house smells and that the guy at the hardware store — who is older than I am — somehow managed to turn our conversation about oven cleaner into a recommendation that I should try marijuana?


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